The C.W.A. of Dr. Z. Smith: Episode #79: Pantryspace

Last Week as you recall…

Jeeves and Ms. Teresa Phillips had decided to  explore the pantry, in an effort to see where all these cats had come from.

They had been walking for four hours when Ms. Teresa found a door.

-=fig. 559: the door in back of the pantry=-

"Jeeves, " she said. "I have found the other side of the pantry."
  "Very good miss.  Is there any indication as to why we are suddenly infested with furry beasts?"
  "It's a pet shop!"

-=fig. 560: pet shop=-

"Well. That explains quite a bit."  Said Jeeves, as he turned to walk back to the main house.
  "But don't you want to know why there's a pet shop at back of your pantry?" Goaded Ms. Teresa Philips.
This hadn't occurred to Jeeves, because as a robot he had very little capacity for scientific discovery.
 He was about to relay this information to Ms. Teresa Phillips, but she was gone.
   And the door was ajar.
    That is to say, it was open.
 Dr. Smith had expressly told Jeeves that he was not to let any harm come to Ms. Teresa Phillips, and who knows what terrors await behind that door? 
 Jeeves ran into the pet shop, to discover Ms. Teresa Phillips in a conversation with the pet shop owner, a conversation he was not privy to, because he didn't speak Russian.
  That was when the pet shop owner handed Ms. Phillips something.
  "What did he give you, Ms. Phillips?" Jeeves asked, as they pretended to examine a display of monkeys.
   "An industrial strength EMP."
    "Oh, that's ni–"

-=fig. 561: sick bed=-

"That's the last thing that I remember, Sir, before I woke up in this…Russian prison."
 Dr. Smith, with rapt attention, asked the obvious question.  "How did you escape?"
  "That's what I have been trying to tell you for days now, Sir, I didn't escape."
 Dr. Smith was confused.  "Ha, ha.  Very funny Jeeves."
   "I suppose it is, Sir, to someone who's taste in humour runs towards the particularly morbid, but Sir, I'M NOT LAUGHING."
   "But if you are in Russia, how can you be here?"
 "Oh, this.  I whipped this up one day, it was easy, I already had the plans.  This is a perfect copy of me, but wired up to be a telepresence unit, so that even if I were, say, captured by the Russians, you may never have to go without your Tea, Sir. "
  Dr. Smith knew what he had to do, the doctors had said he was getting better, and he couldn't let the biggest enemy of the grand nation of Legopolis have the advanced technology he had created in Jeeves, so he tried to stand up.

  He stared at where the ceiling would be if the room had had a ceiling.
   "Jeeves, Help me off the ground."
   "Very good Sir.  Sir, If I may, I have a device ready for just this occasion."
  Jeeves helped Dr. Smith into his device.
   "What is this?"
   "I call it a 'Wheeled Chair'.  It was designed so that invalids such as yourself may perambulate, just like normal people."
   "Gee, thanks."
    "I'm glad you like it Sir."
      "Jeeves?"
        "Yes?"
          "Fetch my hat. We're going out."

-=fig. 562: wheeled chair=-

"I'm afraid I can't come with you, Sir."
  "What? Why not!"
   "Sir, If I could have used this…Other Body to rescue myself, do you not think that I would have done it by now?"
  Dr. Smith had to concede that Jeeves had a point.  Not a very satisfying point, but a point nonetheless.
  "So… I guess I'll go rescue you, by myself."
    "Very Good Sir."

I Love My Record Player

PSA InfoGraphic: The Hot Demitasse Trick

I Also made a neat little PSA to go with it:

Fun with Phonograph Speeds

I have fun with the different speeds on my newly fixed Phonograph.
‘Terry’s Tune’ by Paul revere and the raiders.
 I just have to say, playing 45's at 78 is the Most Hilarious Thing Ever.
Even Funnier than Cats Jumping into Boxes and Falling Over.

The C.W.A. of Dr. Z. Smith: Episode #78: Infestation

Last week as you recall…

-=fig. 556: tea=-

"Sir?"  Said Jeeves.   Dr. Smith hadn't heard him come in, although that wasn't surprising. Jeeves was a butler, and therefore he was well trained in the art of silence.

He was also a Robot, so that helped. 

"Come in Jeeves." 

  "I am in, Sir." 

   "Come in more, then. What is it you want?"

  "I brought Tea, Sir.  It's good when you're sick, so it should help with body-wide decomposition." 

    "I'm not decomposing, Jeeves, I'm recovering." 

      "Very Good Sir." 

        "No, don't leave, I'll take Tea anyway, thanks." 

            "Very Good Sir." 

"Last time you were here you left me in suspense, what happened next?  After I left?" 

  "Well.  I had just discovered the furry beasts in the pantry…" 

-=a week or so earlier=-

-=fig. 557: cats=-

  

Ms. Teresa Phillips felt that she had to point something out.  "Jeeves, those aren't furry beasts.  Those are kittens.  Infant Cats."  

   Jeeves looked at the squirming, furry, sharply clawed eating machine in his hands, and couldn't see it ever growing into something as tranquil as a Cat. 

  "Furry Beast." He persisted.

    "Where'd you find the kitten?"  Asked a bystanding child. 

"The pantry.  It and its brethren were eating all the remaining food."

 "Well that's one mystery solved," Said Capt. Brown "And as soon as Zachary comes back with more food, you shouldn't have any more problems.  But another mystery presents itself, where did the kittens come from?" 

   Another child who was watching the scene raised his hand and without waiting to be called on pointed out the obvious. "Well…They came from a…mother cat."

 Everyone laughed.  It wasn't all that funny. 

   "What I meant was," Said Capt. Brown once the laughter and nervous coughing died down "How did they get in the house?  Zachary has never been a…pet person."

  Ms. Teresa Phillips had an idea. "Let's see this pantry."

-=-

"Wow. How big is this place?"  Asked Ms. Teresa Phillips. 

-=fig. 558: pantry=-

"This particular room is six feet across and more than three miles long." Replied Jeeves "The House, Being essentially a house, has no sense of spatial perception, so one foot and one mile look exactly the same to it."

  "How come the food looks the right size, then?"  Persisted Teresa, 

"Because The House can't do food.  I went out and bought this food from stores with The Master's money."   When Jeeves spoke you could hear the Capitalized Letters.

  This is hard to do, unless you're a robot. 

"What's at the other side?"  Asked Capt. Brown, it was a good question because Jevves Didn't have a good answer. 

"I've…never been to the other side."

 "Well, then, lets go!" said Ms. Teresa Phillips, cheerfully. 

   *Beedle-eep! Boodle-oop!*  Capt. Brown examined his pager, "I would love to help you guys find the other side of this pantry, but the team needs help setting up a french-flag burning party, and there's been reports of mob-type activity at the pizzeria.  I have to go. Bye."

  "Bye…Captain." Said Ms. Teresa Phillips, dreamy-eyed. 

  It was probably all the pollen in the air. 

"Captain Brown, on your way out, could you make sure the hoard of children finds it's way out of The House?  I believe they have been detained from their families long enough."

 "You got it, Jeeves.  The School is on my way."  And with that he closed the door.

 The Pantry loomed in front of them. 

My record player works!

 

 The song is Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's 'Der Schauspieldirektor' known in english as the 'Impresario Overture' {c. 1786}

Vintage Film Photoshop Effect

————————————————————————————————————————————————

No, I really couldn't think of a better name.

I Really like the effect I used to make this photo, so I thought I'd share it here. 

It's actually really easy:

STEP 1:

Start with a picture

The C.W.A. of Dr. Z. Smith: Episode #77: Clinically

Last Week as you Recall…

Dr. Smith's mind, comfortable in the warm, pink fog of nearly-awake, sighed. 

Unfortunately, you can only be nearly-awake for so long. 

-=fig. 553: stuck=-

Dr. Smith sat up in the warm, cozy bed.
  "I feel…Great!"  He said.
   "You should," replied Capt. Brown, who was sitting nearby. "They pumped you so full of pain medication I was starting to get worried you wouldn't want to wake up."
Dr. Smith took stock of his flowery surroundings.
   "Where am I?"  He asked.
    "According to the plaque on the door, room three-seventy-seven a.   It was the first one that the E.M.T's came to."
"So I'm inside The House?"
"Yeah, it's just a flowery room."
 Dr. Smith became aware of the remarkably uncomfortable clothes he was wearing.
   "What am I wearing?"
   "Scrubs.  It was either scrubs or that dress thing they make the patients wear.  And it's only because I'm loud they didn't put you in the dress thing."
   "Thanks, I guess."
    "You're welcome."
Dr. Smith looked at Capt.  Brown, he looked pretty good for a stabbing victim.
   "What happened to you?  You were stabbed!  How come you aren't in the hospital?"
    "Oh it was just a—" Capt. Brown winced "—Flesh wound.  I got out days ago."
"Oh."  The meaning of the words took awhile to reach Dr. Smith's heavily medicated mind.
   "Wait… 'Days ago'?  How long have I been out!"
 Capt. Brown shrugged.  "About a week, But you haven't been asleep the whole time, you came and went.  You did sustain some pretty serious brain damage.  But I got the second-best brain surgeon in the city to look after you."
   "What was the first-best brain surgeon doing?"
   "Being operated on."
    "Oh, yeah, that's me isn't it.  I forgot."
 Dr. Smith tried to stand up.
 Twelve minutes later he woke up in bed.
 "What happened?"
 "You passed out.   You may feel great but that's just the medication talking.  Don't move."
"For how long?"  There was more than a note of complaint in his voice.
  "The docs said not to let you move for at least another week."
    A thought occurred to Dr. Smith.
   "But what if I have to…?"
   "There's a ceramic bowl underneath the bed."
They both shuddered.   No one was looking forward to the ceramic bowl.

-=-

Dr. Smith sighed. 

  Laying in bed for days is great if you're asleep, but if you're awake it is one of the most boring things ever, Second only to clothes shopping.

  After the second day Capt. Brown was called away on matters of city-wide importance that seemed to mainly consist of mounds of paperwork, and  Once Capt. Brown was gone, the doctors came back, they were proper doctors and as far as Dr. Smith could tell not one of them was Romanian.     

Sometimes Jeeves would come in with food,  and it was through Jeeves that Dr. Smith learned what had happened after he had gone out to look for food. 

-=-

"-zzz I Repeat, the war is over!  The french have finally surrenderedzzz-"

Capt. Brown turned off the radio.   

"I guess that mean I have to go." He said. 

-=fig. 554: goo-goo eyes=-

"Will I ever see you again?"  Asked Ms. Teresa Phillips.

  "Probably." Capt. Brown answered, softly. "But you never know.  I may…never return." 

"Oh James!"  Ms. Teresa Phillips said, in a ridiculous voice. 

  "Captain?"  

  "What, Jeeves!"  Capt. Brown said, annoyed that Jeeves had ruined his romantic-ish moment. 

 "I have found the reason the food disappeared." 

 "And what is the reason, Jeeves."   Capt. Brown's tone suggested that he didn't appreciate the interruption. 

-=fig. 555: furry beasts=-

 "We have been infested with furry beasts." 

I'm a Hat Geek

I Made this first:

But I wanted to print it, so it became this:

It got printed, 

This bit is where mom took over, she knows how to solder. 

The construction of it at this point is an optometrists lens, the paper, then a huge chunk of wood.

What you can't see there is that the whole thing is wrapped up in solder like a York {®} peppermint patty. 

 I didn't like it. 

I Suggested we ditch the wood, in favour of metal tape.  That worked. 

I love it.

Thanks, mom.

Disqus

I am implementing a new social-commenting system called Disqus.

Try it out in the comments below, tell me your reactions. 

Is it Cool? Too Hard? Failing?  Did you like the old way better?

I'm talking to you, Seth, Louise and anyone else who reads this blog whose name I don't know.