Tuesday, April 21, 2009

i neeed to sort my pictures more often! also, Alaska myths debunked

i was just sorting though my pictures, and i found this! my Dad and i flew up to an unnamed glacier near our small Alaskan town, we met my {great} uncle and a guy he was showing Alaska to, {by small Aeroplane} it was quite fun, i think Dad already posted something about it on his blog. but any way, i was just reminded how cool our* state is! where else can you find lakes, glaciers, and mountains, and get them all in the same shot? i think this was taken with dads camera, seeing as i forgot mine {D'Oh!}
Alaska is full of places like this, its quite awesome here, sure its cold some times, {er, well most of the time.} and we only have the two seasons {light and warmish & dark and cold} and sure we are cut off from just about everything, {being a frozen island near Hawaii is difficult you know,} but we have Walton's Markets, and Fred Meyers, and we have a new Target now too! while we are on the subject, i would like to address some of the myths surrounding Alaska,

First off: we are not all Eskimos. some of us are Swedish. {and quite proud of it, Eh?}

Secondly: nearly none of us drive dog sleds, we mostly drive big Four Wheel Drive Trucks, the dog sleds are mostly just for the big dog sled races, such as the Iditarod.

Thirdly: we do not live in those little Igloos you see on tv, our Igloos are four bed, two bath McMansions with all the amenities, water, sewer, premium cable, and seal meat delivered right to your door!

Fourth: the maps of the united states that we all saw in school {and those little mats you put under your cereal} are not accurate, in those maps Alaska is not connected to Canada in any way apparently we float around in the ocean near Hawaii. now this is just stupid. How would you people in Ohio like it if we just disconnected Ohio and threw it in the sea to float around forever? i admit that that does sound fun, but inconvenient. in actuality we are connected to Canada, {Eh?} and you can in fact drive from Alaska to Ohio, in a car. it would take a month, but you could do it. if you think about it, we are, in fact, part of the contiguous United States. {of America} we certainly are not an island, so we are connected, Vaguely.

Fifth: I've forgotten.

Sixth: i have to stop soon, because it will be too dark to type , oh, wait, its dark all the time isn't it? well, no, it isn't. right now its quite nice, sunny, the snow and ice is almost gone, its quite muddy, but even that's drying up, in the summer the sun never seems to set, so its quite nice, even in the winter the sun comes out for awhile, not long, but its out.
Seventh: the Cold. now this is another stupid one, of course its cold some times! in the winter its cold every where! even Florida! in Alaska the cold is quite nice actually, it's not like in, say, Chicago, where the cold is like a wet bone-chilling cold, in Alaska the cold is quite dry, so it isn't as bothersome. the winter varys, last year for example, we had like two months of winter, with eight months of muddy rainy spring on either end. But that's not what its like all the time! in the summer we can get temperatures up to eighty! right now its fifty! t-shirt weather!
i hope i have convinced at least some of you to come and move to Alaska already,
Best Regards,
*{mine at least, it might not be yours, so see your local state relocation officials for details.}

The Continuing Weekly Adventures Of Dr. Zachary Smith HuManOlogist.


this weeks episode:
I Thought We Were The Only Ones?

last week as you recall Dr. Smith, Dr. Bennett, Joesph Taylor, Private Lawrence, Clancy and Charles were exploring the nether regions of the humans exploratory vehicle, when not one but two people stepped out of the shadows.



the striped one said that his name was "Tony Jones," and the man next to him was his father, "Antonio Jones Senior." a grocery store/cafe, owner/operator who at present is homeless, but looking for prime real estate, unfortunately he had not found any underneath the automobile seat. after the introductions were finished Zachary extended an offer to the two Jones' to join the exploratory force, which they declined, instead asking for directions back to legopolis, as they had gotten a call about the perfect house, but were hopelessly lost.



unfortunately Zachary didn't know much more than it is incredibly warm, and strangely devoid of humans, there being only jack, jacks mother and S.B.H.G. inhabiting some sort of house with wheels, they had lost their bearings since climbing into Jacks luggage, and after what seemed like days of being buffeted about, had emerged here. but even as they spoke they heard a slamming, and they looked up to see, they were trapped! Zachary and Dr. Bennett attempted to leverage the door open, but it was no use.
{dramatic music!}



join us next week for the next installment of The Continuing Weekly Adventures Of Dr. Zachary Smith H.M.O. Entitled: Trapped!

Next Weeks Episode: #15 Trapped!

That is all for today,
Best Regards,
-Sir.

http://www.clker.com/cliparts/0/d/f/7/11949839602109360033flourish_two_horizontal_01.svg.hi.png

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so, Mr president, by reducing our staff by 15%, w/
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…Hello my name is Dr. Zachary Smith STOP i apologize for the static accompanying my telegram STOP but i have important matters concerning…
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