Tuesday, April 06, 2010

The C.W.A. of Dr. Z. Smith: Episode #48: Putzkammer

Last week as you recall,  Jeeves had just revealed where the colours of The Grand City Of Legopolis {Last seen in the clutches of the villainous Von TipRău} were being hidden.
"Putzkammer's Delicatessen?" asked Dr. Smith, as if he could hardly believe it.
"Yes Sir." 
"But that's just across the street from here!"
And indeed it was,  Putzkammer's delicatessen was an abandoned building, derelict yet architecturally significant, directly across the street from Dr. Smith's house.

 Unfortunately Dr. Smith, Morton {Dr. Smith's father} And Jevves 2.0 were inside Dr. Smith's garage and laboratory, a place only accessible through the trunk of Dr. Smith's car. 
     "How are we going to get there, Zachary?" asked Morton.
       "Why, The Door, of course."
-=fig. 334: hello, The Door=-
     "Of course."
        "Don't you like The Door dad?"
"Not particularly.
    "Tell you what, I'll go first."
Dr. Smith walked up the catwalk to The Door, turned the handle, and stepped through.
     There was no special effect, no sound other than the creak of the wind and the thud of Dr. Smith's body as he hit towards the ground at high speed.
   "Ow."  He said.

-=fig. 335: red captain brown=-
A more literal translation would have been "AAARRRGH! STUPID NORTHERN LEATHER!"
     This was because his briefcase had flown out of the window and hit him in the head.
"Hi Zachary.  You came out of that window at quite a clip, you all right?"
Dr. Smith groaned, "Yeah, James. I'm fine, but I don't think The Door likes me much.  Why are you bright red?"  Capt. Brown sighed, "The admiral's here, turns out he didn't get mono-chomized like all the rest, and he's taken control of the whole situation.  His first order of business was to get me out of my old 'more-patch-than-coat', and into the Official Mayoral Uniform."  At the words 'Official Mayoral Uniform' Capt. Brown's fingers tightened and formed themselves into an angry fist, his teeth set themselves on edge, and his eyebrows shot skyward.  
    "Sorry about that James,"–said Dr. Smith, sympathetically–"Help me up.  Oh, and put something soft right here, Morton and Jeeves should be along shortly."  As Capt. Brown set off to find somebody who could cushion Morton and Jeeves' falls, an old man in a blue coat with gold epaulets and a stupid hat walked up to Dr. Smith and started to talk at him "WHO THE BLAZES ARE YOU!?"
     Dr. Smith was affronted, he had never been so verbally abused by a stranger in his own yard before.   He carefully bent to retrieve his hat, and only when it was perfectly straightened did he deign to answer the bothersome verbal assailant.
     "My name, horrible sir, is Doctor Zachary Smith, you may call me Dr. Smith, and I own that building, that building, and this alleyway that we are in now.  Who The Blazes Are You?"  Unshaken by this sudden supply of unexpected information, the admiral supplied his name, "They call me The Admiral and I own this County.  I Don't like insolent little <expletive>s like you shooting out of windows at every turn–"–This was punctuated by Morton and Jeeves shooting out of said window and landing on three rather pudgy cadets,  who were, apparently, the softest things Capt. Brown could find–"–Why when I was your age son I had to fight my way up from the streets, battling barbarians and republicans till I was at the top of the legislative pile and by Jacob I still have some fight left in me!"  Having said his piece, The Admiral collapsed and started to snore.  Dr. Smith watched him fall, with pity. "Narcoleptic.  James?"  Capt. Brown appeared from around the side of Dr. Smith's house, where he had been trying his darnedest to conjure a pot of tea.  His inability to find Dr. Smith's kitchen had not hampered his efforts in the least.    "Zachary? How do I get into your house?  Every time I try the front door it just leads me back outside."  Dr. Smith looked at him, then realized what he meant. "You need to unlock the door with the key, other wise you are just on a feedback loop.  It's a security measure.  What I wanted to talk to you about is, oh what was it… Ah, I remember now.

-=fig. 336: the barricaded petunias=-

   "Its a barricade."
    "Please tell me you didn't dig up my petunias."
   "We needed a base for the barricade, sorry."
 While Dr. Smith did not weep over the loss of his plants, it obviously hit him hard.  "Why are you so upset over these plants Zachary?" asked Capt. Brown, "As far as I know the only thing you're not at all good at is gardening.  So what gives?"  Dr. Smith looked him in the eye, "They were fossils.  I was engineering them from fossils recently discovered in Peru.  five thousand years the world has been without this particular strain of petunia, and you dig it up for a barricade."

It was then that a black top hat trailing darkness shot through the sky.
-=fig. 337: topper=-
Join us next week for our next exciting episode,

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.