Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The C.W.A. of Dr. Z. Smith: Episode #95: Extortion, Robot Style

“Well, That took longer thaan I expected.”
   “But you still have The Touch, Sir.”
      “I do at that.”

-=fig. 610: final programming=-

Dr. Smith and his Robotic Butler, Jeeves, had just finished building a MK7 in the hopes of exchanging it for the life of Capt. James Brown, Mayor of the Grand City Of Legopolis and Dr. Smith's only friend.
   “Why did we ever abandon this design?” Dr. Smith said, almost wistfully. “It was so adorable.”
       “Wheels¹, Sir.” Jeeves Replied.
 “Ah. Yes.  Right, that's the last of it, you stay here Jeeves, I don't want them finding you.  I'll roll this guy out myself.”
      “Very Good Sir.”
 “Now Presenting!”  Dr. Smith tried to use his best ‘Circus Announcer’ voice, but he failed. “The most wonderful thing you've ever seen!  Never before shown publicly, until now!  The–drum-roll please–MARK 13!”
-=fig. 611: gold master=-

It wasn't. It was a MK7. But Dr. Smith was hoping that these evil robots–themselves only MK4's–wouldn't know the difference.
“It's beautiful” Said the Leader of the MK4's “So much better than that human-esque”–It said human-esque like it was in insult–“MK12.  Such articulation, such height. But it only has one eye.”
   “That shoots laser beams.²” Dr. Smith assured it, “And besides, People are less frightened of things with one, big, eye.³”  Dr. Smith hoped The Leader didn't have anymore questions.⁴
 “How do I get into this new form?” It asked.
   “You plug this cord into your AUX OUT port, and this end into the MK13's AUX IN port. That's it.”  Wordlessly a spare MK4 clunked over, and connected the two robots.
     “There had better not be any tricks.” The Leader said.
        “You have me over a barrel, what would I dare do?”
 There was a short transfer period, where both bodies went limp.
    The the MK7 straightened up.  “I Feel so powerful!” Said The Leader, from Its new body. It disconnected the cord from Its AUX IN port and tested out Its new wheels.
   “You can go up to 50MPH with those wheels, nearly silently too, which I imagine will come in handy in your imminent reign of terror.”
“Thank You, Doctor, and it seems it is now my turn to keep my end of the bargain.” The Leader said. “Henchmen, Our leverage is no longer needed. Kill him.”
-=fig. 612: streamlining=-

“We HAD a DEAL!” Dr. Smith yelled,
  “A deal which I broke.” Replied The Leader.
 But Capt. Brown was on top of the situation.  He had had upwards of eight hours to work on his bonds,  he was just biding his time until the right moment.
And This was the right moment.
   He snapped the ropes, opened the top drawer of Dr. Smith's desk and drew the six-shooter that was kept there.
He shot every gun-carrying MK4 in the one weak spot he could see. The ankles. There was a tiny gap in the ankle, and behind that gap was the vacuum tube that regulated the entire leg.  These robots weighed nearly a ton, so with only one functioning leg they collapsed.
  “Eight Seconds, James?” Dr. Smith called over jokingly, “You're slipping.”
    “Could'a done it in six if this damn gun would shoot straight. Remind me to get you a better one.”
    “What's Happening!” Demanded The Leader. Without waiting for an answer, it fired the shotgun mounted to it's back.
     Nothing happened.
     “Did you think I would Load it?” Questioned Dr. Smith. “You have one minute to live before the Program I have installed re-formats your entire hard drive, permanently erasing what ever you are.  But I can still Stop it, Do you Repent?”
   “Then Goodnight, Mr. Robot.”

-=fig. 613: bug deletion=-

That was when the miraculous, viral, confused and murderous thing that had been The Leader of an off-shoot branch of deadly MK4s, died.
 The MK7 sagged.
   Then played a cheerful eight-bit tune and stood to attention, all remnants of The Leader had been erased.
“Mk7,” Dr. Smith said “Begin Cleaning this room. Erase the Memories and Hard Drives of any MK4 you find, and set them up again in the manufacture hall.”
  The MK7 tried to salute. Then set about its task.
“Why do I feel sad?”  Asked Capt. Brown.
   “Because we just killed a life-form that created itself, and now are using its corpse for menial tasks. C'mon, I'll get Jeeves to make some bacon.”
knock knock knock.
 “Who is it?”
   “A representative From the Offices of Mr. Radio.”

¹Dr. Smith mistrusts wheels. Always has.

 ²This is a lie.

 ³This is another lie.

⁴Because he really was terrible at lying.