Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The C.W.A. of Dr. Z. Smith: Episode 47: Hatshrooms

The Continuing Weekly adventures of Dr. Zachary Smith:
This Week:

Episode 47: Hatshrooms

Last week as you recall, Zachary Morton Smith, {Morton to his friends}  father of our own Dr. Zachary Smith, had climbed out of a hatch, on the other side of a tunnel which is only accessible through the trunk of his sons car.

"What is this place?" Morton said, to no one in particular. 
"It's my laboratory, Like it?"  Morton Yelled,  Dr. Smith had inadvertently snuck up behind him. "Zachary!  Don't do that!"  
     "Sorry dad."  
   "Where are we?"  Dr. Smith waved an arm in a magnanimous gesture, "Welcome to my Garage!"  "Did you say Garage?"  
    "And laboratory.  You didn't think I made all of my fantastic inventions in that tiny house, did you?" Morton nodded, it made sense.  "Well, where do you store your car?"  Dr. Smith shrugged.  "On the street, Everyone knows its my car, and I'm friends with the Mayor.  They also know that besides thievery, stealing my car is treason.  You get hung for that.  Here, let me give you the tour."  
As Dr. Smith walked off, Morton turned back to look at the hatch he had just climbed out of, it wasn't a hatch.  It was the rear end of a car identical to Dr. Smiths, but that was hard to tell for sure, as it was only the back third.

-=fig. 328: the back third=-
     Dr. Smith was explaining the volatile qualities of the espresso machine, and the benefits of standing well to the left of the steam nozzle to an empty patch of air, not that he knew it.
"Zachary?" said Morton, hurrying over, "Why are we a hundred feet in the air?"  "we're only 50 yards up, and besides, I need the room below for my hatshroom experiments." 
"Bless you."  
"No, Hat-Shroom, like mushroom?  I Figured out how to grow hats.  Right now they're only Mushrooms shaped like hats, but you can pop 'em off the stem and wear them just like your standard McAllister & Dobbins."  Morton Looked at Dr. Smith with a worried eye,  "Son, are you feeling all right?  Do I need to find you some medication?"   
"No, Dad, I did.  Look, right there, see?" Morton looked and saw several varieties of Hat, growing out of the ground.   
-=fig. 329: a specimen of a hatshroom=-
"Mon dieu.  Son you're brilliant."–Dr. Smith shrugged–"How come I haven't heard of this before?"   "James says the market isn't ready for a hat-shaped mushroom.  A mushroom-shaped hat, but not a Hat-shaped mushroom.  Come, there's more!"
There turned out not to be much more, there was an eating area right next to the Espresso machine, a platform with early incarnations of Jeeves, a record player with a wire connecting it to a white bulbous device,  {which turned out to be the Internal Motherboard Actuating Calculator, I.M.A.C., for short,} and a table with a half finished android on it.  "What's that?" Asked Morton, pointing.  "That's Jeeves, 2.0" Answered Dr. Smith proudly, "he's nearly finished.  I just need to Synthesize some skin for him, tailor some old clothes to fit, and transfer the old Jeeves Data over from version 1.0.  Speaking of which…" Dr. Smith put his small brown suitcase on the table, undid the clasps and locked it open. "Here, dad, this may take awhile. why don't you go get some coffee, or I'm sure if you look hard enough there's a snack" Morton had already wandered off,
"O.K. then." 
He then slid a robot out of his briefcase, this robot's name was Jeeves, and he was about 5 feet tall.  Dr. Smith then carefully positioned the robot in the center of the table, produced a cable from the suitcase and connected the two robots to each other, and then to the I.M.A.C.  He pressed the screen of the I.M.A.C. a couple of times, took a sip from his espresso mug, determined that it was ice cold, then, grasping his mug firmly in one hand, set off for the machine. 
The I.M.A.C. beeped merrily while Dr. Smith was gone,
"Beedlee Beep!"  It said.  "Now Transferring 1 of 43,789,001 files! Beedlee beep!"  
If it had a mouth the infernal thing would be smiling. 
"Beedlee Beep! Now Transferring 2 of 43,789,001 files! Beedlee Beep!"  
Dr. Smith came back about then with a piping hot cup of espresso.  "Boy that's annoying, lets turn that down."  As the sound went down, the I.M.A.C. decided that it needed to tell Dr. Smith the sound was going down. "POP pop pop pop…"  Dr. smith opened the 'iPhonograph' application, and the Record Player behind him sprang into a jaunty jazz tune,  'Bugle Call Rag' was its name.   Dr. Smith started to whistle the tune, 
if it had words he would have sung.
     Life was great, Dr. Smith was well on his way to locating the colors of Legopolis, he'd found Jeeves, and was loading him into his new body.   He'd found his father, relatively unharmed and living in the camp of the Northern Villains.  
It took quite awhile to transfer all those Files, but Dr. Smith made use of that time to catch up with his father, Morton.  It took so long they nearly ran out of records, which would be a tragedy.  But eventually the I.M.A.C. merrily said: "Beedlee Beep!  File transfer complete!  Jeeves 2.0 updated to latest firmware!  Would you like to restart now? Beedlee Beep!"  Dr. Smith pressed the button marked "Yes" and there was a brief moment of silence, and them a chime.
"Oh Boy, here we go, DAD!" Dr. Smith yelled, "Come here!"  Morton hurried up the ladder and across the catwalk just as Jeeves 2.0 was waking up.  "Oh dear," me murmured.
"Jeeves, Rise." commanded Dr. Smith.
-=fig. 330: Jeeves 2.0=-
     "Isn't he beautiful?" asked Dr. Smith.
"How Long have you been working on this?"
     "A couple of months now, off and on.  This is the future!"   Jeeves 2.0 adjusted his stance to accommodate for an uneven flooring tile.  "Jeeves, Speak." Commanded Dr. Smith.  "ALL RIGHT THEN.  HELLO SIR.  I SEE THE GARAGE IS IN GOOD HEALTH?"  "Jeeves, you are in an a new body,  if you'll notice, you now have two legs and a vocal simulator.  Use it."  There was brief pause, then Jeeves said:  "Far Be It My Place To Ask These Questions, But Where Did My Original Body Go?"
"Just behind you, I need you to sew up some clothes to fit you while I melt up some latex for your new skin. Oh, and stop enunciating so perfectly, real people don't talk like that."
"Very Goad Ser."
Dr. Smith melted some shoe soles and latex gloves in a pot, stirred it around, and poured it into a mould.  Surprisingly what came out was a latex mask, perfectly suited to Jeeves' face.  "Jeeves, you done sewing up your new duds?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Right, put them on and come here, I've got a face for you." 
-=fig. 331: he needs a hat=-

"You look good Jeeves, Dad, what do you think?"  Morton Looked,
"He needs a hat.  Or hair." 
"Yes, well, I'm no good at hair, Jeeves go pick out a hatshrooom you like."
"Sir, I am robot.  I cannot 'choose something I like' as you say.  I could perhaps choose a hat based on current data about the status of men's fashion, but I do not have said data."  This was quite the problem, Dr. Smith didn't have the data either, not being one to follow trends, so he solved the problem.  "Hmm, well, lets see,  I think mainly what you need to do is match, so go pick out a black hatshroom, some kind of cap.  That should do it."  "Very good sir."  Jeeves then walked off the table, falling 150 feet, straight to the ground. "You know Jeeves,"  Dr. Smith called, "we do have a ladder."  "That's very good to hear sir, because if I have to do that again I may damage something."
-=fig. 332: sneaking up on a hat=-
Jeeves walked with both his legs.
He was enjoying having two legs,
He missed his rocket, though.
Maybe Dr. Smith could place rockets in these new legs?
Aha!  A black peaked cap…
{{use-#eyscan on-$Scenery}} * object-sighted *
if-$ObjectSighted=yes start-#Program1 #Program1-started
#FootstepSound=50% start-#AttackJump, * adjust landing parameters * start-#TackleRoll 
{if $bodydamage=50%=abort.}
#Inventory=(1) #PeakedCap {Color=Black}
use-#Inventory=(1) #PeakedCap {Color=Black} on-#Headtop 
-=fig. 333: Something is off=-
Morton nodded his approval, The hat matched.
"The hat's a nice touch, but something's wrong.  I can't seem to put my finger on it."  They both searched Jeeves' face for what was off, it wasn't his eyebrows, they were both there, it wasn't his pupils, they matched, "I've figured it out."
"What is it Dad?"
"He doesn't blink. " And indeed that was the problem.
"Jeeves," ordered Dr. Smith, "Remember to blink periodically.  Other wise you will creep people out.  Good, that seems to solve all the technical difficulties we had, now down to business.  Jeeves, where are the Colours of Legopolis?"
"Well sir, last time I laid my eyes on them, they were in the basement of Putzkammer's delicatessen."

Join us next Week for our next Exciting Episode:
Every Tuesday at 4:10pm GMT

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.