Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Flowers ’n Things

The CWA of Dr. Z Smith: Episode #114: Unremember

-=fig. 693: confrontational problem-solving=-

  “Good afternoon, Dr. Smith. We meet again.”  Stated Von TipRău. He was smiling a malicious, evil smile. Fueled, no doubt, by misguided righteousness.  “Do not take von step,  ha ha, or else your family and…only friend become saints.”
  Dr. Smith’s face contracted as he tried to work that out.
  Von TipRău sighed, “Saints are Holy, it is also a posthumous title, See? Which makes it a dooble pun, because your people would be both dead unt filled vith holes.  I did not say it vas a goot pun.”
   Capt. Brown’s index finger slowly tightened on the trigger of his gun, 
   Von TipRău swung his own gun around til it was pointing at the kid in the back, the one in the long coat.
  “Not one movement, I said. Or the last fifteen years of your life never existed. Weapons on the floor, pleese.” 
  They had no choice but to oblige.
  “Don’t vurry, I von’t kill you. yet. Hands oop, pleese.  I vill now field questions from the audience.” 
   Dr. Smith had a question. “Why are you trying to kill us?” It was a good question.
  “DON’T YOU KNOW!? YOU KILLED MY FRIEND! MY ONLY FRIEND!” This was not standard Von TipRău procedure.  Dr. Smith was taken aback, “You mean that monoid outside?  I have to say, it was better than all the other ones, you’re getting good–”
  “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? There is only the one! The one Monoid,  Mr. Moriarty Monoid AND YOU KILLED HIM! DEAD! My only friend in the entire world! You had no provocation! Why are you persecuting me! WHY?” 
  “Oh.” Dr. Smith said. “I have another question and this is important; How many times have you attempted my life?”
  “WHAT! Today would be the first time BUT YOU STARTED IT—” BONG.
  Von TipRău slumped.
  “Stainless steel it said. I knew six dollars was too cheap, look he’s dented it with his head.”

-=fig. 694: mrs. smith=-

  “Thank you Mo–Mrs. Smith.” Dr. Smith said as he ran to Von TipRău’s side,
  “I’m not stupid you know, Zachary. Is he dead?”
  “No, he isn’t thank Jacob.¹”
  “Here, I’ll get him again–”
  “Not yet he isn’t and it’s my fault.”
  “What do you mean, Zachary?” Asked Capt. Brown,
  “What I mean James, is that this isn’t future Von TipRău, it’s past Von TipRău. He hasn’t done anything yet and It’s my fault he comes after me. My fault he becomes a mad killer.  I killed his…Moriarty. I killed his James.  He’s me. Not literally, of course, but he’s enough like me for there to be a direct parallel.  Think of it like this, What if someone killed you, James?”
  “That would suck for me.”
  “Yes it would but what about me? What would I do?”
  “Well you’d hunt them down and make their life hell. Oh. And without me there to dilute you…oh my.”
  “Then let’s kill him.” Mrs. Smith said, matter-of-factly.
  “We can’t–Hold on, I need to ask him a question.”  Dr. Smith reached into his briefcase and produced a syringe.  “James, Handcuffs.” but quietly he said “Sorry Von TipRău, This is going to hurt but I need you awake.”
  “AAAHH!” Screamed Von TipRău. “AAAAHHHH!”
  “Quickly, You said I started it, when did I start it?”
  “AAAAHH–THE FILM SET–AAHH” And he stopped screaming. “Take pleasure in that did you? Beat me on the head and set my skin on fire?”
  “You were never on fire. That's just the stimulant working, your body can't handle it for the first thirty seconds. But the film set, that was the first time you ever saw me?”
  “Yes and a black day it was too you—”
  “That's quite enough.”
  “So why can't we kill him now?” Asked Mrs. Smith.
  “It’s quite simple, actually.” James replied. “You kill him now and he never tries to kill Zachary, he never tries to kill Zachary, Zachary never meets him, we never end up here and he doesn’t die.”
  “But then–” Mrs. Smith tried to work it out, “But. Um.”
  “It's called a paradox.” Dr. Smith said.
  “I know that, kid, I believe I already stated that I am not stupid, But he’s already tried to kill you!”
  “You mean young me? We already wiped his memory.”
  “Then I'll tell him–you, about it. We will keep the memory of Von TipRău alive. The vile, disgusting memory.”
  “No,” Dr. Smith said sadly, “You won't.  James, you remember any of this? You’re standing right over there, shocked and confused.”
  This was true.
  “No” Replied Capt. Brown, “I don't remember any of this. And I would remember something like this.”
  “Which means that someone wiped his memory.  Me. I am the only person in the world right now with the technology. ”
  “Wait,” Capt. Brown said, You have memory wiping technology? You never showed me that.”
  “Oh yes I did, dozens of times.  In fact, you were my primary test subject.”
  “You wha’? ZACHARY!—”
  “Mode 3 Power level 2, Jeeves.”
  And the room turned blue.

-=fig. 695: unremember=-
  “Stasis mode activated, Sir.”
  “Very good, Jeeves.  For young James and Mr. & Mrs. Smith, the day never happened.”
Jeeves set the portable memory eraser to [DAY]-[TODAY] [personal] and Dr. SMith led the victims, one a a time, to the forgetting machine, where it blinked into their faces.
  “Set it to scalpel mode,”
 [null]-[null] [scalpel]
 Jeeves opened a secret panel, which revealed a new set of options. 
  “Okay, Jeeves, For James I want him to remember everything, except that I have memory erasing technology.” 
 That was entered into the machine, and Capt. Brown forgot.
  “And for Von TipRău, he should remember only most of it, the parts where I killed Mr. Monoid, anything that makes me look bad. A sense that I took his memories, that intangibility of things unsaid dying on the tip of his tongue. We want him coming after me. But he should not know where I live.  That's important. ”
 “It's done, Sir.”
  “Good, we have to get him to romania before he wakes up.”
  “This shouldn't be a problem, Sir.” Jeeves said, he was holding a box with one large button on it.  The Button was marked “apel uşă
  Dr. Smith pressed the button, and a blue door appeared in the middle of the room.
  “Of course.” Dr. Smith said, “Ludwig Aufenstein invented The Door!  And the Deus Ex Machina Co.!”  He opened the door,  Inside was a dark room, things bubbled, machinery turned, and electricity crackled. “It leads to his laboratory. Chuck him though.”
  Jeeves Picked Von TipRău up by the seat of his pants and the back of his collar, and threw him bodily through the door.  He was about to toss the remote in too, but Dr. Smith stopped him. “We don't want him to have access to the history of this door.”  Dr. Smith opened a secret hatch on the back of the remote. Another, tiny button and the warning: “distrugere-doar de sine utiliza în caz de urgenţă!” 
  “Close the door Jeeves.”  Once the door had disappeared, Dr. Smith pressed the self-destruct button.  Thin coils of smoke came out of the remote’s casing. 
  “It's done. Help me carry James to the time machine.”


  ¹ Pronounced ‘iacob’.