Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The C.W.A. of Dr. Z. Smith: Episode 55: That New House Smell

Last Week as you recall,

-=fig. 369: dr. smith in bed=-
The soft, warm bed seemed to stretch for ages. 
  Dr. Smith, His mind a valley of pink fog, stretched lazily.  
    Still not fully awake, he rolled onto his back. 
     Two glowing green eyes, inches from his nose, met him. 
  "AAARGH!" Dr. Smith yelled,  painfully awake.
    "Good Morning, Sir." Said Jeeves, Dr. Smith's robotic butler. 
 "Jeeves, how many times do I have to tell you not to wake me up like that!" 
  "Is that a question Sir?" 
   "No.  Just, next time, turn the lights on."
     "I apologize, Sir.  I came to tell you that the mayor is waiting in the kitchen." 
       "Who?  James?"
          "Yes Sir." 
  Dr. Smith rolled out of bed, falling the short way to the floor, and surveyed the smallish room.   It was brown,  tan really, nothing special.  One wall was composed entirely of windows,  which looked out over the treetops of a huge forest.  Next to the bed was a small table with a typewriter and Dr. Smith's glasses. 
  Which he put on.
He walked to the closet, and put on his suit.  It was gray, with a red bow-tie.  "How do I look Jeeves?" 
 "You look fine.  Sir."
   "Thank you, however you would say that regardless." 
     "That's true Sir." 
 Dr. Smith walked to the door out, and stopped.  Next to the door was a mess of wires and metal.  
  Dr. Smith pulled a tool from his pocket and set to work.  "What is that Sir?"
    "A wrench." 
      "I Meant the mechanism, Sir."
        "Ah.  Before I answer, a quick question.  Jeeves how many rooms did you pass through to get here?"
         "Twelve Sir." 
          "This machine aims to get that number down to zero, by exploiting the trans-dimensional qualities of the Red Door in the kitchen.  If I get this right we should be within one step of the kitchen."
 Dr. Smith put the final bolt in place, tightened it, and punched a number in.  

-=fig. 370: a skeleton=
 They walked out into the kitchen. 
  "Ah!  James!  Good to see you.  How's being mayor for life treating you?"
    "Fine.  You Know, I've walked around your house, the outside, several times, and it never took more than thirty minutes.  I can't see the walls of your kitchen.  And you just walked out of a one-sided door.  Is this another of your science-y tricks?"  
       "No, I came back one day and the house was just like this.  I think it's growing."  
   This seemed to disturb Captain James Brown of the Legopolis City Rooftop Police, Mayor-for-life of the Grand City of Legopolis.  It's pronounced Le-gopolis. Legopolis.  It's french for "Le Gopolis" as in "two Gopoli"  
  Capt. Brown kept stealing furtive glances at Dr. Smith's kitchen table. 
    "What are you looking at?"  Dr. Smith said, trying to follow his gaze. 
      "Your skeleton. "
 Dr. Smith took a minute to understand this,  being a literal thinker.  
   "You mean the one sitting at the table." 
      "Yes, why is it there?"
       "It was sitting there when I got here, I think The House created it, like the rest of this stuff.   I find it hilarious. I mean, really, how can you not?"
 Capt. Brown just cringed.  "Yep. Skeletons, classic humor."
   Dr. Smith took a good look at Capt. Brown.  "Something's different, " he said.  "Where's your coat?" 
    Capt. Brown shrugged.  "The Colours came back and so did the heat.  It's a good twenty-six  degrees.  Had to leave my trenchcoat at the office."  {26º C, 80º F}  
  "Look at us, rambling on about the weather.  Would you like something to eat?  We probably have a fully stocked larder someplace, and Jeeves here can cook." 
      "I'm not hungry, just had lunch.  But I would appreciate a refreshing beverage."
        "Jeeves, get the man an iced tea.  Wait, lunch?  What time is it?"
   Capt. Brown pulled out his pocket watch,  "It's–" and was interrupted by a full-size skeleton flying out of a window above his head, and cuckooing twice.  Capt. Brown watched the machine retreat back to it's mechanisms with a certain amount of shocked disturbance.  Like that of someone who had just suffered a trauma that would haunt them for the rest of their life. 
  "Isn't that just a hoot?" Dr. Smith said, breaking into silent giggles.  
    "For the foremost mind on just about everything, You sure have a macabre sense of humor, Zachary."
      "If there's one thing funnier than skeletons, it's cuckoo clocks.  So a skeleton in a cuckoo clock?  That's 'the living end' as they say."
         "Does it do that often?"
           "On the hour.  I have yet to discover where that skeleton comes from, although I suspect there's a giant cuckoo clock behind that window.  How's that iced tea coming Jeeves?"
  There was a subtle crash, like that of a dropped pitcher of iced tea.  "It's certainly coming, Sir."
    "Good 'droid, Jeeves, carry on."  
      "Thank you Sir." 
  "So what did you come to sse me about James?" Dr. Smith said pouring himself a bowl of SucrosePuffz™{Sugar-coated sugar, for when you need sugar, use as directed.} then started the esspresso machine. 
    "Zachary, We have a national emergency."
     Dr. Smith deliberately poured his espresso over his SucrosePuffz™, which then snapped, crackled, and exploded a cloud of green gas.   
         "What sort of National Emergency?" Dr. smith said as he hunted for a spoon.
            "We're at war."

-=Best Regards=-
Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.
Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.