Thursday, July 30, 2009

-=Mine! All Mine!=-


17" Macbook Pro…

  • 2.8GHz or 3.06GHz Intel Core 2 Duo processor with 6MB on-chip shared L2 cache running 1:1 with processor speed
  • 1066MHz frontside bus
  • 4GB (two 2GB SO-DIMMs) of 1066MHz DDR3 memory; two SO-DIMM slots support up to 8GB
  • 500GB 5400-rpm Serial ATA hard drive; optional 500GB 7200-rpm hard drive, or 128GB or 256GB solid-state drive4
  • 8x slot-loading SuperDrive (DVD±R DL/DVD±RW/CD-RW)
  • Maximum write: 8x DVD-R, DVD+R; 4x DVD-R DL (double layer), DVD+R DL (double layer), DVD-RW, DVD+RW; 24x CD-R; 10x CD-RW
  • Maximum read: 8x DVD-R, DVD+R, DVD-ROM; 6x DVD-ROM (double layer DVD-9), DVD-R DL (double layer), DVD+R DL (double layer), DVD-RW, DVD+RW; 24x CD
And its Mine!
All Mine!

-=Best Regards=-



Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.





Wednesday, July 29, 2009

-=Soon, My Pretty...=-









Just a few minutes more, and we shall rule together! Mwah hahaha.... {Evil Chuckle} Soon we will return to the Lair, and I shall wreak my revenge on those who laughed And said I was crazy, I'm not crazy.



{maniacal laugh...}

-=Best Regards=-
-Sir Jacob

-- Posted From My iPhone


Tuesday, July 28, 2009

-=See the World!=-


Already Seen the World? Don't despair! This new poster Ushers in a new era in æner* travel, on the 15th of every month We are leaving from top Zeppelin ænerports*, with stops in New York•Paris•London•Stockholm• And More!

Call 1-276-477-2687*

Or contact your local Travel Official for details!


-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.

*I mean Air. It's LuftSpråk.
*Airport.
*Please Do Not. It's not mine. I don't know where it goes.



The Continuing Weekly Adventures Of Dr. Zachary Smith H.M.O.

This weeks Exciting episode is Entitled:

Cookies?

Last week as you recall, Dr. Zachary Smith had scaled the walls of the Abandoned fortress, and just in time too, for at the Zenith of his ascent, his mechanical walking machine crumbled, to pieces. but that's O.K. Because George, {And his famous cookies} were right around the bend.

Oh, some of you may know George as the Chief Radio operator here at Save the Croissants. I gave him that job because Morse Code is his native tongue, he actually speaks the Code. Don't ask me why, but he does. So to save you the trouble of having to go and translate his Morse code into English, I'm just gonna transliterate as well as I can, {exempli gratia, taking out the STOP at the end of his sentences and putting in a ".", changing the Morse Code into actual letters.}
we join the conversation, already in progress…

"George! how are you doing? I haven't seen you in ages."
"Hello Dr. Smith, I am doing fine."

*wind whistles, I believe the tune was Für Elise, by Beethoven*

"What was that George?"
"Oh, just the wind."
"It occurs to me, George, that this high up the wind would be quite considerable, enough perhaps to dislodge your meagre campsite from its…" Suddenly, the wind does just that.

*screeeeeeeeech* *Thud* *Descending whistle*
{those were the sounds of George's communication equipment falling its doom}

"Hold on Dr. Smith! it's a giant gust of wind!"

Unfortunately they could not hold on properly, as it was a rather smooth perch George had chosen, smooth, and thin. Not a good place for a communications office.

Oh right, I almost forgot to tell you, they fall.


As Dr. smith regains his senses, His Mind grumbles inwardly about how short of a vacation that was, it had barely got the chair all unfolded and was about to lounge on the beaches of insanity when what happens? Dr. Smith just has to go about waking up. Some Minds have all the luck.

The sound of tea being poured into two cups reaches Dr. Smith's ears,
"Wake ud Dr. Smith, you've 'ad yur knap, now gerrup and drink yer tea like a uh, person who drinkz tee"

Dr. Smith sits bolt upright! who could be speaking so horribly?
Dr. Smiths Mind quietly adjusts an inconspicuous knob, hoping no-one noticed that it was moved in the first place when he shifted his position in the chair.

"What are you on about Dr. Smith? that was only me telling you to wake up, the tea is ready."

It turns out to be only George, but the mystery of the thing mystifies Dr. Smith for the rest of the day, indeed, the week.
Really until his mind sort of, deleted it off the servers, as it were.
They had tea in the ruins of George's campsite, where they had apparently landed.
"So there's no chance of you repairing your radio equipment George?" Asks Zachary, hopefully.
"Nope."
"I only ask because I would like to make sure Jeeves is functioning correctly, and um, I miss my house."
George looked at him with the eyes of one who knows these things and said "Don't worry Dr. Smith, your house isn't going anywhere."

"You don't know my house."

and indeed that was true, for even at that moment Dr. Smiths house was quietly seaking up on them, intnet on being closer to its master.

"MORE TEA SIR?"

"JEEVES!"
screamed Dr. Smith, "How did you get here?"
"WELL, WHEN A VOLKSWAGEN BEETLE AND AN APPLE II E LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH,"
"No, I mean how did you get here from the house?"
"I WALKED. IT IS NOT FAR."
"Isn't the house too far away?"
"17 BRICKS, 6 STUDS, A MERE JAUNT."
"But I had to travel for hours just to get to the wall, and from there I traveled almost straight up, we couldn't have fallen at such an odd angle that…"
"THIS MAY COME AS A SHOCK TO YOU SIR, BUT YOUR HOUSE FOLLOWS YOU LIKE A PUPPY."
Dr. Smith considered this, "But," he started, "The house, um." he couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that his house would follow him, so he continued, "er. um. uh." George took this opportunity to jump in, "So, Jeeves, how fast does the house go?" "HOUSE, IT IS A PROPER NOUN, NOW." "Oh, Excuse me, how fast does the House go? and would it continue on until it crushed him? Or what?" "THE HOUSE TRAVELS AT A RATE OF ONE BLOCK AN HOUR, TO BUILD UPON THE EARLIER ANALOGY, IT IS A VERY SLOW PUPPY. THE GOAL OF THE HOUSE IS TO BE AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE TO DR. SMITH, IT WOULD NOT CRUSH HIM, ON PURPOSE." This caused Dr. Smith to stop wrestling his mind around facts, {It was just as well, His Mind was considering giving up and going back to the beaches of insanity, the sun, the surf, the drinks with little crocodiles in them. Good Times. }
and to just give up and accept that his house was like puppy.
"So," he said rubbing his hands together, "who wants tea?"

"What am I looking at here George?" Asks Dr. Smith, perusing the map in front of him,
"A map." States George.
"Right, but of where?"
"Here, see the abandoned fortress? The large Square mountain with the pointed roof?"
Here Dr. smith cuts in, "I believe that is Jack's house."
"Oh, I will make a note of that. but what I really wanted to show you were these mountains, here."
He points to a ridge on the map.
"So? what about these mountains George?"
"They weren't here yesterday."

Join us next week for our next exciting episode entitled:
Escape to Mystery Mountain
Same time, Same Channel


-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.



Thursday, July 23, 2009

-=Home, Home on the Desk=-


Just give me a Home, where the DVDs roam, and the iPhones are happy all day.

I have been looking for a home for my iPhone for awhile now, and nothing seemed to be perfect, the Tchochky shelves Gave me too much lip, {In Russian, no less.} The standard iPhone dock wouldn't accommodate my fancy new iPhone skin, so I made one out of Lego® bricks. But it was just too plain.

So I made it into a house.

And to Celebrate, I modified the American Classic, "Home Home on the Range"

Oh, give me a home where the DVDs roam
And the Stap'lers and Cappuccinos play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the iPhones are Happy all day

Home, home on the Desk
Where the Stap'lers and Cappuccinos play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the iPhones are Happy all day

How often at night when the iMacs are bright
With the light from the glittering Screens
Have I stood there amazed and asked as I gazed
If their Lives exceed that of Queens

Home, home on the Desk
Where the Stap'lers and Cappuccinos play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the iPhones are Happy all day

Where the air is so pure, the zeppelins so free
The breezes so balmy and light
That I would not exchange my home on the Desk
For all of the cities so bright

Home, home on the Desk
Where the Stap'lers and Cappuccinos play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the iPhones are Happy all day

Oh, I love those plastic flow'rs in this dear land of ours
The Boss, I love to hear scream
And I love the white rocks and the Cappuccino flocks
That graze on the Desktops green

Home, home on the Desk
Where the Stap'lers and Cappuccinos play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the iPhones are Happy all day


-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.




Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Continuing Weekly Adventures Of Dr. Zachary Smith H.M.O.

This Weeks Exciting Episode is Entitled:

Hi Ho Clunker! Away!
Last week as you surely recall, Dr. Zachary smith was Lumbering out of his Garage in search of his old friend, George. Alright, the truth is, the letter said George would have cookies.
George makes great cookies, with little chocolate chips, and lots and lots of butter, which as anyone who has made cookies knows, is the secret. Terribly delicious.

Anyway.

Back to the story.
Dr. Smith was using his mechanical walker to scale the walls of the abandoned fortress, he was almost at the top when…

"ssssssssssssssss…"

"Gosh, that sounded important."

"PuttPuttPuttPuttPuttPuttPuttPutt…"

"Well, I'm almost at the top, I think I can make it…"

"bkglbokigargleblogigoplegok…"

"Ha! I made it to the top without anything happening!"

"POW!"

"Oh well."

"shshshshshshshshshsh"

"you know, that sounds like a tea kettle?"

And indeed it was, In fact George was right around the corner, making Afternoon Tea.
That was an old cinematic trick, the pan-and-zoom, it gave a great feeling of movement didn't it?
It's not really the same with still frames, but you get the general idea.
now lets see, where were we… whoops, dropped the script.

@#$%, It went through the heating grate.

We don't need no stinking script.

We're professionals!
*Gulp*

Oh? We're out of time? I'd better wrap this up then.

Join us next week for our next exciting episode, entitled:

Cookies?

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.




Monday, July 20, 2009

-=Alph, Beta, Gamma, Delta=-


Some of my more astute reader{s} will notice the recent addition to the header, namely the addition of "Now in Beta!" For those of you who don't know, "Beta" is the second letter of the Greek alphabet, preceded by Alpha and succeeded by Gamma, but it is also a Computer term meaning "In a State of constant Reorganization, Reformation, and Change." or RRC for short. Anyone who has read this blog for more than a month knows that we have and always will be in RRC, but "Beta" sounds more computer-y. I just wanted to point out that we are constantly updating and repairing this website so that we may provide a better "User Experience" for you, our most important customer.


-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.




Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Continuing Weekly Adventures Of Dr. Zachary Smith H.M.O.

This weeks Episode:
One Lump, Or Two?

Last week as you recall, Dr. Zachary smith was approaching his house. Just after it suddenly appeared out of an engineered fold in the fabric of space and time…

"SIR, YOUR TEA IS READY."

Oh yes, and there is a mysteriously robotic voice telling him his tea is ready.

"IT IS GETTING COLD. HURRY UP."

Dr. Smith opens the door, only to be confronted by

"JEEVES!"
Dr. Zachary Smith yells, Surprised at the sudden appearance of {disappointed sigh.} Jeeves. I was hoping for something more exciting, honestly, like a killer robot, left by Capt. Brown to destroy Dr. Smith, by praying on his love of tea, or something. Well, one can hope.
"YOUR TEA, SIR." "Thank you Jeeves, were you expecting me?" Dr. Smith inquires, although he already suspects the answer,
"YES SIR." "And how-" "HIS HIGHNESS CAPT. BROWN WAS HERE NOT TEN MINUTES AGO, HE SAID TO PUT THE KETTLE ON FOR YOU, SIR." "I suspected as much, I will take Tea in the garden, I assume it is still connected to the house?" "YES SIR. YOUR PAPER IS AT YOUR SEAT, SIR." Dr. smith peruses the paper. Ah, ANSRW local 42 {the Ancient and Noble Society of Robotic Workers} is having a bake sale. Capital. Wait, what's this? Not another note from Capt. Brown? No, local postmark. Let's see"……heard you were in town……haven't seen you in awhile……catch up……I made cookies. Signed, George." Cookies? George? I thought he could only type in morse code? "Oh, Jeeves, find me George's address would you?" "I AM SORRY SIR, HE LIVES IN A TENT. HE DOES NOT HAVE AN ACTUAL ADDRESS." "Alright then, what sort of vehicles do we have in the garage?"
Join us next week for our next exciting episode entitled:

Hi Ho Clunker! Away!


-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.




Saturday, July 11, 2009

-=A Poster for Dr. Smith=-



Dr. Zachary Smith, that is!
This retro-style poster {Made by Me} is available Free Of Charge! As long as you Don't make any money off it. If you need a neat decoration for your Website, Blog, or anywhere really, just download this picture!

Also, if you are a fan of Dr. Smith, and never want to miss another show, hang it in your Home, or office, to remind you to wake up earlier next time.

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.




-=Yet Another Signature=-

Yes folks, It's yet another signature!
This one I quite like,

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.



Thursday, July 09, 2009

-=Signature=-

I am testing out a new signature, What do you think?
-=Best Regards=-
• 
 

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.

-=Stamp=-

This is a Close-up of the stamp, just by itself. Why? because I am really quite proud of it, and I felt that it got hidden underneath all that other stuff.

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.





Wednesday, July 08, 2009

-=New Insignia!=-



Isn't it Great? it's a combination of my initials, {J.D.F.} and a neat flying-type design! It reminds me of some sort of postal seal… Hm, that reminds me, I think I have a letter here, somewhere, Capital example of the JakobRikeILuften postal system, it arrived at my desk a mere three days after sending!

Wait a minute, says here its only from Engineering, and that's only down the hall and around the corner!

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.




Tuesday, July 07, 2009

The Continuing Weekly Adventures Of Dr. Zachary Smith H.M.O.

Today's Episode:
Nope, Not Conspicuous At All.

I know what you are wondering, and yes, I did skip an entire week of the Continuing Adventures.

Lets Call It A "Hiatus".

But we are now back, and better than, er, Last Week!

Week Before Last, as you surely recall, Dr. Zachary Smith, Humanologist was exploring an abandoned Fortress, Perhaps of DOOM, But at this point it seems a bit unlikely. Dr. Smith, having set up camp on the upper levels of the Fortress, Decides to venture into the lower bowels of the Mysterious Land…

But What's this?
Dear Dr. Smith, as a Highly Respected Pillar of the Community, {At this Dr. Smith Shudders. I mean really, Who wants to be an upstanding Pillar of the Community? Where's the Fun In That?} You {as a matter of course,} know me. You know, Capt. Brown? The Mayor? Aha! I see the light of vague recognition dawning upon your face! Anyway, Back to business. The reason I have sent you this letter is, uh, what was it? oh! yes! now I remember, We've Moved your house to an inconspicuous location somewhere near your current location. I told the lads down in Space Management {For those of you who don't know, Space Management literally manages space, bending it and twisting it to the needs of the current tyrannical ruler, Capt. Brown. Time Management is in the next office over.} to put your house where no human would ever think to look for a house, Using your Latest publication: "Dr. Zachary Smith's Guide to human beliefs and expectations" as a guide.

Hope to be working with you again soon,

Capt. James Brown. Despot.




Dr. Smith's mind raced, ran out of breath, gasped for air, and collapsed, Spilling its contents all over the polished marble steps of the Gates of Reason. How did this letter get taped to my Fedora? If Capt. Brown can go around taping things to peoples hats, couldn't he arrange a meeting? Or a phone call even? What did Capt. Brown mean when he said "We've Moved your house"? Did he really? Where are my socks? How did my watch get over there? Capt. Brown couldn't really move an entire house……could he?


Guess that answers that question.
Dr. Smith's mind hops up, collecting itself. It then bends down to gather up its precious cargo, and hurries through the Gates of Reason, Intent on rejoining Dr. Smith, and hoping no one noticed the little……incident. Dr. Smith Made his way, Carefully, towards his house, keeping a careful eye out for things like: Lighting Bolts, Giant Frogs, Strange cosmic occurrences that seem to generally accompany such things as a house suddenly appearing out of a engineered fold in the fabric of time and space.

Nothing happened.

Suddenly a voice wavers out of the house, strangely flat, as if spoken by some inhuman creature…

"SIR, THE TEA IS READY."

Join us next week for our next exciting episode, entitled:

One Lump, Or Two?


-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.




Wednesday, July 01, 2009

-=Don't Panic=-



Hey Folks! this is a test of the Emergency image link system, Don't Panic.

EDIT: I meant to say that the image above is a link, click for Save the Croissants .com!

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.


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