Tuesday, July 28, 2009

-=See the World!=-

Already Seen the World? Don't despair! This new poster Ushers in a new era in æner* travel, on the 15th of every month We are leaving from top Zeppelin ænerports*, with stops in New York•Paris•London•Stockholm• And More!

Call 1-276-477-2687*

Or contact your local Travel Official for details!

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.

*I mean Air. It's LuftSpråk.
*Please Do Not. It's not mine. I don't know where it goes.

The Continuing Weekly Adventures Of Dr. Zachary Smith H.M.O.

This weeks Exciting episode is Entitled:


Last week as you recall, Dr. Zachary Smith had scaled the walls of the Abandoned fortress, and just in time too, for at the Zenith of his ascent, his mechanical walking machine crumbled, to pieces. but that's O.K. Because George, {And his famous cookies} were right around the bend.

Oh, some of you may know George as the Chief Radio operator here at Save the Croissants. I gave him that job because Morse Code is his native tongue, he actually speaks the Code. Don't ask me why, but he does. So to save you the trouble of having to go and translate his Morse code into English, I'm just gonna transliterate as well as I can, {exempli gratia, taking out the STOP at the end of his sentences and putting in a ".", changing the Morse Code into actual letters.}
we join the conversation, already in progress…

"George! how are you doing? I haven't seen you in ages."
"Hello Dr. Smith, I am doing fine."

*wind whistles, I believe the tune was Für Elise, by Beethoven*

"What was that George?"
"Oh, just the wind."
"It occurs to me, George, that this high up the wind would be quite considerable, enough perhaps to dislodge your meagre campsite from its…" Suddenly, the wind does just that.

*screeeeeeeeech* *Thud* *Descending whistle*
{those were the sounds of George's communication equipment falling its doom}

"Hold on Dr. Smith! it's a giant gust of wind!"

Unfortunately they could not hold on properly, as it was a rather smooth perch George had chosen, smooth, and thin. Not a good place for a communications office.

Oh right, I almost forgot to tell you, they fall.

As Dr. smith regains his senses, His Mind grumbles inwardly about how short of a vacation that was, it had barely got the chair all unfolded and was about to lounge on the beaches of insanity when what happens? Dr. Smith just has to go about waking up. Some Minds have all the luck.

The sound of tea being poured into two cups reaches Dr. Smith's ears,
"Wake ud Dr. Smith, you've 'ad yur knap, now gerrup and drink yer tea like a uh, person who drinkz tee"

Dr. Smith sits bolt upright! who could be speaking so horribly?
Dr. Smiths Mind quietly adjusts an inconspicuous knob, hoping no-one noticed that it was moved in the first place when he shifted his position in the chair.

"What are you on about Dr. Smith? that was only me telling you to wake up, the tea is ready."

It turns out to be only George, but the mystery of the thing mystifies Dr. Smith for the rest of the day, indeed, the week.
Really until his mind sort of, deleted it off the servers, as it were.
They had tea in the ruins of George's campsite, where they had apparently landed.
"So there's no chance of you repairing your radio equipment George?" Asks Zachary, hopefully.
"I only ask because I would like to make sure Jeeves is functioning correctly, and um, I miss my house."
George looked at him with the eyes of one who knows these things and said "Don't worry Dr. Smith, your house isn't going anywhere."

"You don't know my house."

and indeed that was true, for even at that moment Dr. Smiths house was quietly seaking up on them, intnet on being closer to its master.


screamed Dr. Smith, "How did you get here?"
"No, I mean how did you get here from the house?"
"Isn't the house too far away?"
"But I had to travel for hours just to get to the wall, and from there I traveled almost straight up, we couldn't have fallen at such an odd angle that…"
Dr. Smith considered this, "But," he started, "The house, um." he couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that his house would follow him, so he continued, "er. um. uh." George took this opportunity to jump in, "So, Jeeves, how fast does the house go?" "HOUSE, IT IS A PROPER NOUN, NOW." "Oh, Excuse me, how fast does the House go? and would it continue on until it crushed him? Or what?" "THE HOUSE TRAVELS AT A RATE OF ONE BLOCK AN HOUR, TO BUILD UPON THE EARLIER ANALOGY, IT IS A VERY SLOW PUPPY. THE GOAL OF THE HOUSE IS TO BE AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE TO DR. SMITH, IT WOULD NOT CRUSH HIM, ON PURPOSE." This caused Dr. Smith to stop wrestling his mind around facts, {It was just as well, His Mind was considering giving up and going back to the beaches of insanity, the sun, the surf, the drinks with little crocodiles in them. Good Times. }
and to just give up and accept that his house was like puppy.
"So," he said rubbing his hands together, "who wants tea?"

"What am I looking at here George?" Asks Dr. Smith, perusing the map in front of him,
"A map." States George.
"Right, but of where?"
"Here, see the abandoned fortress? The large Square mountain with the pointed roof?"
Here Dr. smith cuts in, "I believe that is Jack's house."
"Oh, I will make a note of that. but what I really wanted to show you were these mountains, here."
He points to a ridge on the map.
"So? what about these mountains George?"
"They weren't here yesterday."

Join us next week for our next exciting episode entitled:
Escape to Mystery Mountain
Same time, Same Channel

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.