Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The C.W.A. of Dr. Z. Smith: Episode #78: Infestation

Last week as you recall…
-=fig. 556: tea=-

"Sir?"  Said Jeeves.   Dr. Smith hadn't heard him come in, although that wasn't surprising. Jeeves was a butler, and therefore he was well trained in the art of silence.
He was also a Robot, so that helped. 
"Come in Jeeves." 
  "I am in, Sir." 
   "Come in more, then. What is it you want?"
  "I brought Tea, Sir.  It's good when you're sick, so it should help with body-wide decomposition." 
    "I'm not decomposing, Jeeves, I'm recovering." 
      "Very Good Sir." 
        "No, don't leave, I'll take Tea anyway, thanks." 
            "Very Good Sir." 
"Last time you were here you left me in suspense, what happened next?  After I left?" 
  "Well.  I had just discovered the furry beasts in the pantry…" 
-=a week or so earlier=-

-=fig. 557: cats=-
Ms. Teresa Phillips felt that she had to point something out.  "Jeeves, those aren't furry beasts.  Those are kittens.  Infant Cats."  
   Jeeves looked at the squirming, furry, sharply clawed eating machine in his hands, and couldn't see it ever growing into something as tranquil as a Cat. 
  "Furry Beast." He persisted.
    "Where'd you find the kitten?"  Asked a bystanding child. 
"The pantry.  It and its brethren were eating all the remaining food."
 "Well that's one mystery solved," Said Capt. Brown "And as soon as Zachary comes back with more food, you shouldn't have any more problems.  But another mystery presents itself, where did the kittens come from?" 
   Another child who was watching the scene raised his hand and without waiting to be called on pointed out the obvious. "Well…They came from a…mother cat."
 Everyone laughed.  It wasn't all that funny. 
   "What I meant was," Said Capt. Brown once the laughter and nervous coughing died down "How did they get in the house?  Zachary has never been a…pet person."
  Ms. Teresa Phillips had an idea. "Let's see this pantry."
"Wow. How big is this place?"  Asked Ms. Teresa Phillips. 

-=fig. 558: pantry=-

"This particular room is six feet across and more than three miles long." Replied Jeeves "The House, Being essentially a house, has no sense of spatial perception, so one foot and one mile look exactly the same to it."
  "How come the food looks the right size, then?"  Persisted Teresa, 
"Because The House can't do food.  I went out and bought this food from stores with The Master's money."   When Jeeves spoke you could hear the Capitalized Letters.
  This is hard to do, unless you're a robot. 
"What's at the other side?"  Asked Capt. Brown, it was a good question because Jevves Didn't have a good answer. 
"I've…never been to the other side."
 "Well, then, lets go!" said Ms. Teresa Phillips, cheerfully. 
   *Beedle-eep! Boodle-oop!*  Capt. Brown examined his pager, "I would love to help you guys find the other side of this pantry, but the team needs help setting up a french-flag burning party, and there's been reports of mob-type activity at the pizzeria.  I have to go. Bye."
  "Bye…Captain." Said Ms. Teresa Phillips, dreamy-eyed. 
  It was probably all the pollen in the air. 
"Captain Brown, on your way out, could you make sure the hoard of children finds it's way out of The House?  I believe they have been detained from their families long enough."
 "You got it, Jeeves.  The School is on my way."  And with that he closed the door.
 The Pantry loomed in front of them.