Monday, June 29, 2009

-=J'ai beaucoup de mal frites=-


Some of you may remember how I lost my house in the french countryside, as I remember I only explained it as "something about …tax evasion… " I feel that it needs a bit more explanation than that. Imagine this scene: I am trying to find the kitchen, as it is breakfast, and I am hungry. I hear a knock on the door, I open it to a man in a suit, he will be referred to as "S.M." {suit man}

S.M.: "bonjour monsieur, je suis ici au nom du gouvernement français,"
Me: "ce que vous vendez, je ne veux plus aucun."

I feel i should tell you at this juncture that my french is, not as good as it would be if I actually, knew any french beyond {Of course} "ce que vous vendez, je ne veux plus aucun" {whatever it is you are selling, I don't want any."} a few other key phrases, {Learnt from a professional tutor} and a smattering of Italian, but spoken with a heavy American accent.

So he comes back the next day:

S.M.:"bonjour monsieur, je crois que je devrais vous avertir que si vous claquer la porte de mon visage, je vais devoir appeler des personnes faisant autorité."

{good morning sir, I feel I should warn you that if you slam the door in my face again, I will have to call some authoritative persons.}

I did not understand any of this, so I look at him and say: {With a heavy American accent, slowly, and pronouncing every syllable:}

Me : "Je ne parle pas de la même chaussures que votre frites maison."

{Me : I do not speak of the same shoes as your fried house}

Remember that the professional tutor who taught me some key french phases? Well, he had a twisted sense of humor.

I meant to say that I did not speak much french, but I think that much was obvious by now.

S.M. : "vous êtes l'un de ces stupides Américains, avez-vous pas?"
{ blah, blah blah blah, americans blah blah?}

Me : "oui."

S.M. : "de rire! cet homme a une grande maison anglaise, mais ne parle pas français!"

After he stopped laughing, he wandered away.

A different man came the next day, this one spoke English. He informed me that I had not paid the taxes that come with a €4.2 billion house. As I was not aware of these taxes, I did not happen to have €8.2 billion on me at the time. they gave me four weeks to get together the money.

That was about the time I literally, lost the house, then the pirates came, and so I was deported for tax evasion. That's just about the tall and the short of it.

I don't hold any particular grudge against the french, just the French Government.


-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.



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Sunday, June 28, 2009

-=The Blinky taste of Neon=-

What an odd title. But appropriate.

Although I do not advise eating neon.

This is a video I made through the magic of iMovie HD,
turning this:



Into this:
video

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.





Saturday, June 27, 2009

-=Hey Folks!=-

I have a store now!

No, really!

See? Any way, we have many of products for the picky consumer, {that would be you}

Go buy something!


Or else I may be forced to do something drastic, such as, oh I don't know, add actual advertisements to the blog.

Big Pop-Up bothersome advertisements.

We sell t-shirts, cutting boards, mouse pads, and so much more!

GO BUY SOMETHING!


-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.


Thursday, June 25, 2009

-=A Few Notes On JakobRikeILuften=-

On the agenda today;

Modifications to the constitution and A new National anthem.


Modifications to the constitution


Modification#1: It has been brought to my attention that my Constitution is too strict, and so I am modifying it from: "…
5. There will be no smoking, drinking of alcohol, or illegal substances in JakobRikeILuften. Anyone possessing any of these things, will be given a fair trial, and then shot. If "the Boss" decides to take mercy on your soul, you will merely be deported and restricted from entering JakobRikeILuften in your lifetime. …"

to: "… 5. There will be no smoking, drinking of alcohol, or illegal substances in JakobRikeILuften. Anyone possessing any of these things, will be given a fair trial, and if found guilty they will be deported and restricted from entering JakobRikeILuften. Or until they swear off illegal contraband. …"

A new National anthem

I would like the new national anthem to be "Come Fly with me" by Mr. Frank Sinatra, but set to a rousing march, and the chorus to be set to the
chorus of "Oh Canada", now, I can't sing. Or Compose. but just imagine it, if you will. But Done Correctly.

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.



Wednesday, June 24, 2009

-=Subliminal BUY OUR JUNK! Messaging=-


Now that is what I call shame full marketing,
you need what I am selling you

Inserting things into the middle of sentences, Subliminal marketing, that's what it called.
buy sir Jacobs tip top toppers

you would never find anything like that here,
available in all fine haberdasheries
no siree Bob.
you do not register the tiny text in between the lines
Never.
save the croissants is the best blog ever. Tell your friends. and your family.

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.



-=Flying Blog Feed=-



SEE! THE BEST AVIATION BLOGS ON THE INTERNET!
they are actually the BEST ones, {as selected by Mr. David Earl}
He scoures the Elektric Ætherwebs, Searching for blogs related to flying, and if they meet his exacting requirements*, he links to them.

he has several catagories, including {but not limited to}

Some of you may know Mr. David Earl as chief of the Weblog entitled: "Dave's {Mostly Flying} Blog" he is also my chef, but he would never admit it to his reading public. I did not make "Flying Blog Feed" But I did make the poster. Flying Blog Feed does sponsor my Rather Rambling Escapades on the Elektric Aetherweb, Not the blog, but the website.

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.


*his exacting Requirements are:
1. Regularly updated
2. Flying related
3. Mr. David Earl Chooses it

Monday, June 22, 2009

-=Desktop Image!=-


Today I am releasing a background, for your desktop! now in three different sizes!

1024 x 768
800 x 600
640 x 480

Instructions: For Mac users;
1. Click link.
2. Ctrl-click image
3. Select "set as desktop background…"

For P.C. users:
You are on your own.
Sorry, I am a mac guy, I don't remember the Dark Days before the Macintosh.

*Shudder*

Perhaps one of my reader{s} could post a how-to as a comment?

I would apperciate it!

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.

{Normal Artwork Rules Apply}

-=Revised iPhone Background=-


you may not notice the difference from the previous incarnation, so I will just point it out then, its the shadow. Around the badge, I felt that the previous incarnation did not properly outline the white part of the badge, as it sort of got lost in the white paint part.
And here is another version, same as above, just more shadow!

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.



The Continuing Weekly Adventures Of Dr. Zachary Smith H.M.O.

Today's episode:
The innards of the fortress of NOT DOOM
 Today we join Dr. Smith, as he explores the looming fortress.
It sems to be, Deserted.  {Dramatic music} oh well. At least it is a good hiding spot, to hide from the weed-whacker  
 after setting up camp, Dr. Zachary Smith looks dramatically out the gap in the wall.
Although the campsite is strategically located for evading the spinning blades of DOOM
It is not so strategically located for evading the wind.
A strange Fortress this is indeed, full of holes.  And not the sort of large ragged holes one would expect in an Abandoned fortress, but engineered holes.  as if they were meant to be there. 
What sort of crazy engineer would purposefully build holes into his fortress?
Which leads Dr. Smith to wonder, 

which just happens to be the title of our next episode!
-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

-=Welcome Back=-


..."and that was the news, now over to our mobile correspondent, Sir Jacob. Sir Jacob, Do you read us?"

Loud and clear, lackey who decided to stay at the studio.

In these tough financial times, we all need to make sacrifices. Luckily the French government has made it easy for me to make these sacrifices, by reposessing my house.

One of the perks of having your own country {that flies} is that no matter where you go people are always happy to see you, {except France, they don't seem to like me, could be the tax-evasion, could be the £1.5 million I owe the French government}

But besides that, most places are very happy to give a weary monarch helium and avgas at a uh, discounted price. I am quite happy with this iPhone device, before I would have an idea, and by the time I got to a place with either wifi or telegraph access the idea would be poof, gone. Now I can type things as I think of them !

-=Best Regards=-

-Sir Jacob.
-- Post From My iPhone

-=iPhone backgrounds!=-

Today and today only, {ok, not just today} we are offering pictures modified for iPhone screens!






-=Best Regards=-
-Sir Jacob

-- Posted From My iPhone

*normal artwork rules apply, but with iPhone Instead of website/blog

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Friday, June 19, 2009

-=Hooray for the iphone!=-

Good Afternoon, this is Sir Jacob, reporting live from my brand-new iPhone!
I am so happy! I think every one needs one of these devices, Go Apple!


-=Best Regards=-
Sir

Thursday, June 18, 2009

-=A Bit of Perspective=-

This is for all the whiners People {with legitimate complaints} who complain about the iPhone and its faults,
let us just think back to the days of analogue, and meet what I like to think of as the iPhones "Crazy Uncles," {you know, the interesting relatives}
For calls, you would have to use one of these Bad-Boys:
An Actual Telephone,
no TeXTing, no touchscreen, nothing. {and if you wanted to add another phone, that would be another line, and workmen in your house all day attempting to hook it up}
For music:
A Record player.
not mp3s, mp4s, or some electronic circuit, but actual, Physical. Records. {which, I might add, only holds 1-8 songs per record}
For TeXTing, or, as they called it when I was young, Letters:
A Brother "Portable" Typewriter.
{loud, heavy, slow, and no internet capabilities, and if you wanted MMS, you would have to use an actual paperclip.}
For pictures,
A 0 megapixel falcon junior model, Film Camera.
{not even a view screen. you would typically have to wait till you got home to develop, and subsequently find out, that you forgot to take off the lens cap during the landing of those aliens in the parking lot behind the office.}

For movies:

A Bell and Howell 252, an 8 millimeter film movie camera.
{no zoom, no instant gratification, same time delay problem as the camera, and you have to use scissors to actually, physically cut the film}

And if you ever feel just too weighed down by the iPhones 4.8 ounces {135 grams}
Imagine trying to carry all this in your pocket:
That's way more than 4.8 ounces.
More like 12.7 Pounds.
Just something to think about before you go off to complain about the iPhone on your tweety-birds, and your face-toobs, or whatever it is you kids use today {on the Elektric Ætherwebs.}

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Continuing Weekly Adventures Of Dr. Zachary Smith H.M.O.

Today's episode:
The Looming Fortress, Perhaps of DOOM.
then again, Perhaps not.
Here we join Dr. Zachary Smith, about to set eyes on the looming fortress of, DOOM. 
or, not. the point is, it's a fortress, and it's looming.  You Of course remember last week, when Dr. Smith set off down an abandoned riverbed, then got distracted by the fortress, and left the Path of DOOM! {could we stop with the doom? please? thanks.}
any way, the only thing standing between Dr. Smith, and his DOO- er right. Stopping now. is a tall wooden wall, a wall that could either be holding something out, or, {go ahead} IN. MWA HA HA HA!  good, you got that out of your system? and the story goes on.
At the top of the wall Dr. Smith sees the fortress, and { psst, swing the camera around}
George. Swing the camera around.
what do you mean the camera controls won't respond? here, give me that…
-=PLEASE HOLD FOR TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES=-
see, I told you it wasn't broken, you just need to give it a good whack, like this, 
*WHACK!*
-=PLEASE HOLD FOR TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES=-
Right, got it, no more helping.
This is the fortress, of DOOM! No it is not!  Stop that! Dr. Smith sees no indication of anything DOOM-related, so decides to investigate the fortress further.
what will he find? 
no, not doom, I see you winding up to that.
join us next week for our next exciting episode entitled, 
-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.

Monday, June 15, 2009

-=JakobRikeILuften=-



I, Sir Jacob .D. Fredrickson Esquire, Formerly of the United States of America, and the entire crew of His Majesty's Zeppelin the Peregrination do hereby secede from the land based countries, forming our own country hitherto referred to as "JakobRikeILuften"
our laws are as follows:
General Rules:
1. Sir Jacob .D. Fredrickson Esquire and whosoever he chooses as successor is "the Boss", what he says goes.
2. We will not participate in any war{s}, ground-based or otherwise.
3. "När du är Osäker Sväng Vänster" will be our national motto and creed, by which we live our lives.
4. All uprisings, overthrowings, and/or mutinies, need to submit a legal form, asking "the Boss" for permission, before any and all, uprisings, overthrowings, and/or mutinies.
5. There will be no smoking, drinking of alcohol, or illegal substances in JakobRikeILuften. Anyone possessing any of these things, will be given a fair trial, and then shot. If "the Boss" decides to take mercy on your soul, you will merely be deported and restricted from entering JakobRikeILuften in your lifetime.
6. JakobRikeILuften will be pronounced: Ya-Kob-rike-E-luften.

Rules Regarding Citizenship:
1b. Anyone can become a citizen, regardless of race, gender or religion, as long as you agree to all Rules.
2b. Any would-be citizen should not be running from any sort of police force, {as would incur General Rule #2.} unless "the Boss" agrees that the cause is unjust, and allows you on board.
3b. Stowaways should follow rule #2b. {Regarding Citizenship.}

As "the Boss" I welcome you to JakobRikeILuften, and I hope you enjoy your stay, please sign below or leave a comment for citizenship, then report to the ætherdocks, first thing tomorrow.

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.

"the Boss" of JakobRikeILuften

Saturday, June 13, 2009

-=Coffee!=-

Another day, another sponsor!
now, Coffee does not Directly finance our operations here, but without it I would still be asleep, and we would not be here on the elektric ætherwebs, so to Celebrate that fact, I have made, not 1, not 2, but 3 new posters for coffee!
-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.


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Thursday, June 11, 2009

-=Oh Well=-

Alright folks, I am sorry to announce that WE may have, uh accidentally deleted the poll data
For the record,  its not my fault, well, it is, I did hire that guy, but he's gone now. Shame too, he was a good worker.  Wait a minute, why is he the admin on all my websites?  Got to fix that… Any way, if you submitted data to my "Hats" or my "how would you rate the website?" Polls, please re-submit your answers.
Thanks!
-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.


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-=Signature=-

I am testing out a new signature, What do you think?
-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

-=Woah=-

Alright, this has nothing to do with anything, but I really like it,

-=Zemanta=-

It is a free firefox plug-in, and I can not think how I lived without it so long!
It's a free image searching thingy,
{technical term} it puts a little sidebar, right in blogger, {and gmail, and other stuff which I have yet to test} with pictures that relate to your post, right there. it also reads all the stuff you type, and suggests links! {Mostly to wikipedia}

Vice President Thomas Marshall Thomas .R. Marshall, Image via Wikipedia

It also does the same thing with tags, awesome.
I am a bit discombulated, but, you will love this program, free, loads right into blogger.
I used to keep a blank tab open so that i could use google images, but this is about ten times faster because it's right there! oh, about Thomas .R. Marshall, I was retroactively checking it {Zemanta} out on an old post, and this guy came up! I thought he just looked so silly, I had to Post him.

Something I just noticed, roll over the image, and a little credit pops up!

Is that not awesome!

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.






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Tuesday, June 09, 2009

-=Some Random Thoughts=-

-=Intro=-
Here are some semi-random thoughts that have been bouncing around {in} my head for awhile, here they are, in no paticular order.
-=Pilots=-
In my many and varied adventures, I have come across quite a few pilots, mechanics, and airport hobos, {Bums}. And I have noticed that they all are a very friendly sort, and have sort of developed their own community, or sub-culture, if you will. A sort of, "Solder, wire, and duct-tape" mentality, born out of the outragous prices of æroplanes, and æroplane parts, I suppose.
Just a thought.
-=Movies=-
Oh, another thought, In American movies, British people are {stereotypically} the 
"bad guys"
But in British Movies, are Americans {stereotypically} the "bad guys"?
If not, who is? I know I have Readers in Britannia Major, so I am waiting for answers.
And I expect them.
-=309 Deaths by airship.=-
Ever. 
{According to Wikipedia}
That's less than how many people are killed by Automobiles, in every minute.
I guess, I dont know the exact number, But since Automobiles are the most popular mode of transportation in the world, It's a pretty safe bet.
so why aren't Zeppelins more popular? 
Or Blimps, or Hot-Air/Gas Balloons, the point is, they are so much safer!
Sure, there was the Incident back in '39, but that was hydrogen,{flammable} just use helium and we should be good!
-=And We End With a Quote=-
"Movies are a fad, what people really want  to see is actors on a stage"
-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.


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The Continuing Weekly Adventures Of Dr. Zachary Smith H.M.O.

Today's Episode:
AHA! we're back! back to work.
Here we join Dr. Smith at his campsite deep within the jungle, …of the …yard.
Dr. Smith? DR. SMITH! I know you are here Dr. Smith. Show yourself!
GEORGE! Conduct a sweep…
*grumble grumble why does this always happen to me…*

-=PLEASE HOLD=-
Alright, we found him.
We are not exactly sure why Dr. Smith left the campsite, but it may have something to do with the impending sense of doom hanging in the air, and the advancing weed-whacker.
George, que the weed-whacker.

GEORGE!
forget it, just cut to the next scene.
After traveling for a couple of hours, {or was it days?} {it was hours.} {I know, I was being dramatic.} {Oh.}
Like I was saying, He came to what looked to be a dried-up river, and decided to follow it to its delta, but about halfway through, he got distracted by what looked to be a fortress, looming on the horizon, having never seen a vampire film, or any film for that matter, he went to investigate.
join us next week for our next exciting installment, entitled,
-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.

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