Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Continuing Weekly Adventures Of Dr. Zachary Smith H.M.O.

This Weeks Episode:

Episode #43: Here There Be Dragoons

 Last Week As You Recall, Dr. Smith and Capt. Brown had Discovered Two Lost policemen, Lieutenant Briggs and Sergeant Capsicum, both of whom are now safely stored in the trunk of Dr. Smiths 1935 Jaguar Convertible. Which Flies. 

-=fig. 228: High-Speed Search=-
"I Don't See anybody, Zachary,  are you sure this is the right way to go?"  Just then, a noise is heard on the other side of the wall, "Hang on James, I'm Gonna open her up!"  They Zoom around the corner at high speed. "Careful Zachary," Whispers Capt. Brown "It could be the Rather Blank-Faced Men and Von TipRău." Dr. Smith nods, and quiets the engine.  They Then park in the shade, behind a handy rock.

-=fig. 299: Sneak Attack=-
"Hey James, is the rifle really necessary?" Asks Dr. Smith, Master Swordsman.  "We don't know what kinds of weapons they have,  Zachary, they could have Death Rays for all we know!" Dr. Smith was just about to point out the difficulty of construction, scientific improbability and Technical Effects of a death ray, when his hat jumps off his head.  A gunshot rings out. Capt. Brown Jumps Behind the rock for safety.  

Dr. Smith Collects his hat.
"The Ruffians!  They have punctured my favorite Hat! James, Load that Rifle!"
         "No need to get excited Zachary." Capt. Brown says calmly, for it is not His hat that has been punctured.  Good hat too. they don't make 'em like that anymore.
  "I'm not getting excited, James. They're shooting at us!" Capt. Brown gives this due thought, then loads his rifle and takes aim.

-=fig. 300: Taking Aim=-

But before he can fire, he notices something.
 He Yells at the distant figure:
"Patrolman William Chaucer!"

-=fig. 301: Patrolman William Chaucer, Dead Man Walking=-
Patrolman William Chaucer,  Finally realizing his mistake, straightens his uniform, and scurries out of rifle range.

"Confound it! He went out of range! Zachary, start the car!"
"You aren't going to actually shoot him…are you, James?" Asks Dr. Smith worriedly. Capt. Brown sighs. "Well, I would like too. He did shoot at me. But no, we don't have enough Rooftop Policemen as it is, let alone enough for me to shoot each one that shoots at me." By now the Jaguar had reached the top of the cliff.   So Dr. Smith gives Capt. Brown one more parting piece of advice: "Remember James, Don't Shoot Him. Or else I'm leaving you up here on this cliff all by yourself. Got it?"  "Got it."

-=fig. 302: I Have Been Instructed Not To Shoot You=-
"Cap'n Brown Sah!" Patrolman William Chaucer salutes.
 "Patrolman William Chaucer," Capt. Brown Begins; "I Have Been Instructed not to shoot you, consider yourself lucky." Capt. Brown Makes every syllable ring with authority and barely subdued malice; "Patrolman William Chaucer, you are charged with Assaulting a Senior Officer with a deadly weapon, how–" Dr. Smith Whispers something in Capt. Browns ear, "–What? Oh, Patrolman William Chaucer, you are Charged with assaulting a senior officer with a deadly weapon, and ruining a perfectly good, Heirloom Fedora.  How do you Plead?" Patrolman William Chaucer mumbles something, "I Can't hear you Patrolman!" "I Plead Guilty Sah!"  This answer was not what Capt. Brown expected, but he rallies "Capital! right, your punishment is to be sh–"  A stern look from Dr. Smith Silences this line of thought, so Capt. Brown Tries again "–I Mean, to guide us to Brigadier Black and the rest, on foot. While The Doctor and I Fly in his car." Patrolman William Chaucer lets out silent sigh of relief.  He leads them over several miles to the top secret hideout of the Commanding Police Officers:

-=fig. 303: Turtle Island=-
Turtle Island

-=fig. 304: Introductions=-
"Good To Finally meet the Famous Doctorr Zacharry Smith!" Brigadier Black shakes Dr. Smith's hand warmly, "I've Hearrd so much about ya! First Lieutenant Brigadier Black, at yer service Doctor." Then He salutes. " Discoverred any interestin' Dimensions Lately Doctorr? Har Har Har!"
It Is believed by many that you can tell a mans character by his laugh, that is Certainly True of  First Lieutenant Brigadier Black, formerly a lumberjack,  formerly a Pirate, formerly a lawyer.   Brigadier Black is the sort of man you want at your back in a fight, Preferably facing toward the enemy with some sort of heavy artillery. The sort of man, in fact, that you want as your First Lieutenant.  First Lieutenant Brigadier Black {Brigadier Black to his friends} is commanding officer of the L.C.R.P.  Second only to Capt. Brown himself. It's his charge to lead the L.C.R.P. when Capt. Brown is
a. Incapacitated
b. Not available or
c.  Missing for some reason or another.
You Can tell he's in charge Because of his epaulets, mark of a leader, that.  
"So where is everybody hiding, Brigadier Black?" Asks Capt. Brown, looking around.  "Har Har… The L.C.aRr.P. Arr Hidin' about in the suroundin' countryside, waitin' fer me orrders. Sirr."   "Well, then Call for a meeting somewhere that isn't this tiny island. Somewhere dry."  "Aye Aye Sirr, Rright Away Sirr."
-=fig. 305: Community Forum=-
"All RRIGHT EVRYONE, CAPT. BROWN'S BACK, AND THIS IS 'IS FRRIEND DOCTOR SMITH–" At this three heads in the back pop up. "–SO PLAY NICELY 'ES NO' A POLICEMEN. CAP'N BROWN YOU–" Capt. Brown cuts  Brigadier Black of "That's enough, I think they know me Brigadier Black." The three heads in the back make their way through the crowd, one quite a bit taller than the other two. The Tall one wears a top hat and moves through the crowd with a certain…Inevitability.  A Bit like a wall.  A lot like a wall, actually.
-=fig. 306: With Cameo Appearances By:=-

"Charles! George! Mr. Earl!" Zachary shouts."ARR!" Shouts Brigadier Black "So you be knowin Cookie then Doctarr Smith?" Mr. Earl Starts yelling, obviously angered by this blatant slander on his profession "I've told you people a thousand times, My Name is 'David'! Or 'Dave' Or 'Mr. Earl', or 'Sir' even! Never 'Cookie'! Never 'Cookie'!" Dr. Smith just smiles. "Yes I have met Cookie, Brigadier Black, in fact, He used to be a student of mine. Cookie. Hah. Hee." There was some suppressed laughter from the general direction of Dr. Smith.
The Rooftop Policemen separate into Three groups, and the leaders step forward, and sit around the Fire.
-=fig. 306: Town Hall=-
Despite the heat, everyone warms their hands around the fire, as per Tradition. Tradition is very important in these sorts of things.  "The meetin' be comin' to orrder naow, The Arrnible Cap'n Brown presidin'. Orrder In the Court!" Capt. Brown Points to the man in the white epaulets and the black Goggles. "Second lieutenant Alfred Johnston, Report."  Second lieutenant Alfred Johnston delivers a concise, direct, but needlessly militaristic report which sums up to this: Everyone is present and accounted for. Everyone but not everything. "What does that mean?" Asks Capt. Brown, suspiciously. "The Robot is missing, sir." Capt. Brown has to put a warning hand on Dr. Smith's shoulder, to prevent a murder. "I have personal experience with The Robot, Whose name happens to be Jeeves. I Personally wouldn't classify him as a Thing, no more than you would classify, say, a Pet, as a Thing.  Officer George–" Dr. Smith Interrupts "Officer George? How long has this been going on?"  ".-- . .-.. .-.. / -.. .-. / ... -- .. - .... --..-- / .. - / ... - .- .-. - . -.. / .-.. .. -.- . / - .... .. ... –" Wait, I forgot to mention that George speaks in Morse code. Here, I'll Translate, "Well Dr. Smith, it started like this–" Dr. Smith Interrupts "Hold on George, Capt. Brown doesn't speak Morse… Or do you?" Capt. Brown Looks around, avoiding eye contact. "Maybe. Sorry Zachary, It Was necessary. Let George continue"  "Is It Time for me to say my piece? Dr. Smith? Captain? Right. Well it all started back in 1983, When I moved to The Big City, If it weren't for The Captain, I Would have been killed.  Legopolis was a different city in 1983, lots of discrimination, especially against MorseCodecs*, The Captain took me under his wing, taught me English, gave me my job as a translator. Apparently there is a big market for translators in the O.S.O.† Who Knew?" "Why was this so Important to keep a secret…James?"  "The Less the different branches know about one another, the better.  I had suspected that something like this might happen, what with you venturing into The Great Beyond‡, and everything."  "So How long have you been 'Officer George' then?" Asks Dr. Smith. Annoyed that things have been kept from him. "A month Before you came to see me in my tent.˚ Before all this trans-dimensional adventure. I'm Sorry I Kept it from you Dr. Smith, but it Didn't seem relevant at the time." "Do you Really have family in Legopolis George?" "No, That was code Between The Captain and Myself for 'Mobilize the troops, head for the bunkers' Apparently the LCRP never made it to the bunkers!"  They were sucked up by Dr. Smith when he Purposed an evil invention, see Episode #38: Act Three. Enter Villain.  Exit Hero.  And as for George?  He mobilized as many civilian troops as he could, Which turned out to be Charles and Mr. David "Not Cookie" Earl.  Well, now that everyone has been brought up to speed, lets get down to the real business, shall we? 
-=My, That Was Quick=-
The "Real Business" Didn't take too long, and mainly consisted of status reports, and Role Calls.  Once the camp breaks up, Charles {O'Gre} Volunteers to carry whatever won't fit in the trunk of Dr. Smith's car.

If I May, I will take a moment here to acknowledge the loss of a great actor, Capt. Brown. By "Loss" I  mean Theft. Due to that I am postponing further Weekly Adventures indefinitely.  Not permanently, just indefinitely.  Let's call it the end of a series. So Check back regularly, or subscribe to our RSS feed for further updates.

End Of Series*1

* Georges Race. They Speak Morse code.
† Over Seas Office {of the Legopolis City Rooftop Police} they also handle the Over Land work.
‡ Everywhere that Isn't Legopolis proper.
º Episode #25 One Lump, Or Two?
*Season, to the Americans in the audience.

Next Episode!

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.