Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The C.W.A. of Dr. Z. Smith: Episode #66: Children and Wooden Walls

Last Week as You Recall…
 "Good to see you again Sir." Said Jeeves, Dr. Smith's robotic butler.  "There's Something I need to tell you, Sir." 
 "Later Jeeves." Dr. Smith said as he hauled his friend and Ms. Phillips out of the basement.   The hatch was surprisingly slippery.  
   Drool does that. 
 "Sir, It is really very Important." 
  "Alright Jeeves, what?" 
   "The French have breached the building." 
 Dr. Smith froze.  "How." 
   "One of the children let them in.  In his defense Sir, they really were very inciting, and I hadn't briefed the children on the 'Red White and Blue Menace', yet.  I even had an instructional film prepared."  Jeeves seemed fairly put out by the whole business, more so than the fact that his house had been annexed by The Enemy.
"Jeeves, Children don't watch–never mind.  Where are they?"
 "The Kitchen, Sir.  They don't trust the doors." 
   "How could they even know about that?"
    "No Idea, Sir." 
     "Well, I had better go welcome them."

-=fig. 407: annexed the kitchen=-

"Hello, French people." 
  "Bonjour, mon ennemi"
"Yes, I'm sure that you're very French.  Now, my first question is: How did you turn down the lights?" 
  The Frenchman in front, who looked to be in charge, said {In a heavy French Accent} "There was a switch."
   "Really?  I've been trying to turn down the lights for weeks, with no success, and you just walk in here and find the switch?" 
"It is our superior French minds."  He spoke as if Legopolian was his third language. 
As it happens, Legopolian is pretty much everyone's third language, behind French and Russian, the two biggest countries in the world.  "Enough chit-chattery.  We are here for one fact.  What is the secret of this house?"  He said it as if he were interrogating Dr. Smith, which,  considering the multiple weapons his colleagues were carrying, may not have been far from the truth.  
  "The secret?  Well, it bigger on the inside because of a pocket dimension I like to call–" 
    "We know about this.  This we figure out…instantaneously.  We want know is this:  Why do things just…appear?  And why?"
 Dr. Smith shrugged.  "Technically, that's two questions.  I Don't know the answers to either.  Sorry."   The Chief Frenchman did not take this well.
"You lie!  Shoot him!" 

-=fig. 408: whizzing by=-

Dr. Smith ducked behind the nearest cover, which happened to be his kitchen counter.
Worryingly large bullets whizzed past. 
  "DON'T BREAK ANYTHING!"   Yelled the Chief Frenchman, "We want this house alive!  It will make great headquarters of glorious  Révolution française!"  
 "Yes!  Stop Shooting!"  D. Smith scurried around the kitchen counter, if he could get to the table he could… and he was there.   He scrambled on top of the table.  There was a trumpet.

-=fig. 409: trumpet blues=-

Dr. Smith played the opening trumpet solo of 'Trumpet Blues'  as it turns out Dr. Smith was a quite accomplished trumpet player.  But that's not the reason he played it. 
'Trumpet Blues'  was a very chaotic song, but it did have its good points.  For example, being the activation code for the series of Failed Jeeves Prototypes which were lined up against one wall.

-=fig. 410: prototypes=-

Steam escaped from the robot's joints as it raised one arm, jerkily.   This particular model was powered by a miniature nuclear reaction and steam.   The reason it was abandoned was because its movements were not exactly fluid, or fast.  It took one step forward, and with one surprising upper-cut sent the Frenchman flying.
 "What trickery is this!"  The Chief Frenchman asked. 
  "Home Defense." Dr. Smith answered. " You didn't think I would leave my home unprotected, did you?" 
Capt. Brown and Teresa Phillips had been hiding behind the bow of a viking ship, which was just off the kitchen.
 There was no stern, it was half a viking ship inexplicably in Dr. Smith's kitchen. 
  "Do you think it's safe to come out?" Asked Teresa.
   "No.  But it's never 'safe' in this house. " Capt. Brown answered.  
     They broke cover. 
That was a mistake. 

-=fig. 411: hostage=-

"Call off the robots, or I slit her throat."

-=Best Regards=-
Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.
Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.