Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The C.W.A. of Dr. Z. Smith: Episode 45: Zachary Morton Smith

The Continuing Weekly adventures of Dr. Zachary Smith, This weeks episode:
Episode 45: Zachary Morton Smith

Last Week as you recall, Dr. Zachary Smith had made a shocking discovery… 
"My father's here somewhere!" 
Dr. Smith's father was a patent clerk who had one day had a brilliant idea, The Digger No. 5!  A monster of a machine, built to harvest the miles of oil and natural resources beneath The Grand City Of Legopolis, home of hundreds.  But before he could test it the team he was working with was called away on an important mission, to gather information on a growing threat to The Grand City Of Legopolis, The Northern Villains.   If you believed the propaganda, The Northern Villains were the worst thing to happen to The Grand City Of Legopolis since processed cheese.   To counter such dissent among the people, the illustrious Captain James Brown, Mayor of The Grand City Of Legopolis, sent a crack team completely untrained into the wilds of the Frozen North,  This 'crack team' was the set of mechanics that were assigned to Dr. Smith's father to assist him in the construction of The Digger No. 5! This 'crack team' took up the moniker: the Secret Northern Observers and Watchers, S.N.O.W.  for short.  Completely untrained and frankly, unprepared they set off, with no plan other than to look good going, to reassure the populace that the illustrious Captain James Brown, Mayor of
The Grand City Of Legopolis had everything under control.  That was many years ago.  But luckily, whilst hot on the trail of Dr. Smith's robotic Butler, Jeeves, Dr. Smith, Capt. Brown and the L.C.R.P.  came across a chapter, a remnant, a remnant of a chapter, of S.N.O.W.  and were welcomed into their secret underground base.   Or should I say Undersnow?

-=fig. 320: sir we have a job for you=-
"Sir?  We have a job for you." said Dr. Smith to the Blue leader, whose name happened to be Frank.  "The name's Frank, Mr. Doctor Smith, at yer service."  Dr. Smith had long ago given up on trying to correct people who had somehow gotten it into their heads that his first name was 'Doctor'.
Which wasn't to say it didn't bother him. 
"Very good …Frank."  For Dr. Smith, using a person's first name is like calling them 'friend' or, god forbid, 'buddy'. neither of which are titles that he bestows easily.  To illustrate the point, Capt. Brown is Dr. Smith's only friend.  Not out of design, but more that Capt. Brown is the only person Dr. Smith has known long enough.  Long enough being most of his life. "…Frank. I'm sorry, I can't concentrate. what is your last name?"  Frank was affronted, "Well, it's Stathopoulos, but I thought we were all friends here–" "We're not.  Mr. Stathopoulos, I need you to tell me where Mr. Zachary Smith is, but you probably know him as 'Morton'." Frank started to look worried, "About yea high?  Perfectly Round glasses?  Hat like yours? I seem to remember that he always wore this…black Bow-Tie?" "You use the past tense.  Where is he?"   Frank squirmed.  "Gone, I'm afraid.  The Northern Villains took him."  Dr. Smith, who you'd expect to be the picture of fury, was unnaturally calm.  Always a worrying state, in anyone.   He started to chuckle softly.  Capt. Brown stepped in, "Don't worry about him frank, he's just gone past furious and is now coming out the other side.  Frank, I'm going to need you to tell me where Morton is before Zachary here comes around, because when he does you will be dead."  Frank took a quick, furtive glance at Dr. Smith, who was staring into the middle distance and chuckling softly.  "All right!  I'll tell you everything!  Just don't let him kill me!"  "I'll do the best I can Frank."  "Morton was abducted on a routine mission to the outer rim of our secured territory.  We had secured the land for The Grand City Of Legopolis, in the hopes that when you did come Capt. Brown you could start a new colony here, and we wouldn't be out here by ourselves.  All alone…" He was snapped out of his reverie by a sudden blow to the top of his head. "Right. Morton.  Well, we were out on that mission, just him and me, when The Northern Villains swooped!  Swooped!  Out of nowhere!  They had a cannon!  And Rifles!  Luckily I managed to get  The Digger No. 5!  Underground in a hurry,  but when I looked back to see how Morton was doing, he was gone."  "Thank you for your information."  "It's alright!  Just Don't let Zachary kill me!"  "Don't let him hear you call him Zachary, and you should be fine.  Thanks for the help." Capt. Brown gave Frank a friendly pat on the back, well, Capt. Brown thought it was friendly, at least.   From Franks perspective he was, quite suddenly, face down in the snow.  "Did you get all that Zachary?"  "Yes.  I have a plan." 
"Mr. Stathopoulo, I need you to take Capt. Brown and myself up to the surface, the spot where My Father was taken"  "Your father being who?" " Mr. Zachary Smith. Yea high?  Morton?"
The digger rumbled over the frozen land going at top speed, 

-=fig. 321: the digger no. 5! top speed:=-
Upwards of 12 miles per hour!  Dr. Smith was examining the craftsman ship of the safety rail, closely, and testing it's sturdiness.  With all his might, he was testing it's sturdiness.  Tightly.  Around him The Digger No. 5!'s  various mechanical parts rattled for all they were worth, spitting grease, and apparently {if the noise is any indicator} trying to kill each other.   It's no wonder The Northern Villains found The Digger No. 5!, It makes more noise than…a noisy thing.   Capt. brown came up behind Dr. Smith without him noticing, which wasn't hard.  "SO WHAT'S THE PLAN, ZACHARY?"  he tried to make himself heard over the din, "THE PLAN?" "YES, THE PLAN.  WHAT IS IT?" Dr. Smith thought for a second, " I WAS THINKING PARIS." Capt. Brown nearly fell off The Digger No. 5!, considering how they'd nearly died in Paris.  Several times. "I DON'T THINK PARIS IS THE PLAN WE NEED."  "NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.  WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MOSCOW?"  Capt. Brown went, I believe the expression is "green around the gills" at the mere thought of Moscow,  there had been a lot of falling.  And alligators. You would never think there were that many alligators in Russia.  "I DON'T THINK MOSCOW'S THE PLAN FOR THIS SITUATION."  " WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST THEN?"  "I LIKED RIO?"  They were both lost in reminisces of Rio De Janeiro in the spring, the warm weather, tropical climate, and the distinct lack of any way the tips of your fingers could freeze off.  "I LIKED RIO TOO, BUT THERE IS NO WAY WE COULD USE IT HERE."  It went on like this for awhile, but they really shouldn't have bothered because at that moment plan Budapest was put into effect, Plan Budapest consisted almost solely of being sneak attacked by the enemy.
 For Dr. Smith the world went dark. 
Dr. Smith awoke in a cold, dark room.  The only light came from the far wall, where it came in in bars.  Whenever the light comes in in bars it usually spells one thing, cell.   Dr. Smith had arrived in one piece, relatively unscathed.   But Capt. Brown wasn't nearly so lucky, there were bullet holes in his coat and a long gash down one arm, which was bleeding profusely.  Capt. Brown was quite unfortunately awake, and sitting up.  "Hi Zachary.  My arm hurts.  I'm light headed,  and really tired. AHH! THE PAIN!" Dr. Smith rummaged around in his suitcase, "Ah, here, drink this."  He held out a small, purple vial, which Capt. Brown took in one gulp "ICK! What is this stu––ZZzzz…"  "Military grade anesthetic.  G'night, James."  Dr. Smith then set to work,  He hadn't had any formal medical training but you pick up a few things working with machines, mainly how to re-attach fingers using your wrong hand, the many and various wonders of fishing line, and how to treat third degree electrical burns.  And upholstery.  Upholstery is the key to medicine.  
When Capt. Brown woke up, {which was much, much later} his first words were: "Zachary?"  "Yes?"  "Why is my arm sewn up in fishing line?"  "Well, fishing line is smoother than regular string, which will make it easier to remove the stitches when the time comes." 
Capt. Brown just kept staring at his arm.  
Was all he said.  "Here, I patched up your coat,  there were quite few holes, my best guess is that either they shot at you, or there's a swarm of moths about here someplace."  The joke was lost on Capt. Brown whose humor seemed to have bled out through his arm.  A sense of humor is something you can't repair with fishing line.  
Our point of view goes out to the hallway of the cell block, where a change of the guards was happening.   This conversation happened entirely in Russian, but for our purposes it happened in italics.  "Here, I take over for you."   "The end of mine shift is not for another two hours yet."   "But this way, if I take your shift now, you can go home and spend two extra hours torturing poor cat of yours with violin."   "I do enjoy violin.  All right, you take mine shift, but do not let superior know I let you take two extra hour shift."   "Agreed mine comrade!" the old guard walked away, intent on practicing his violin at his cat.  The new guard walked down the hall and very purposefully took up roost outside cell #423, The Cell currently incarcerating Dr. Smith And Capt. Brown

-=fig.322: The new guard=-
"Here James, let me talk, I know a little Russian,  Hello mine comrade! release us for glory of communist empire?"   The new guard turned to Dr. Smith and said: "Come now Zachary, I taught you better Russian than that."  "Dad!"  "Hello Son."  "What are you doing here?"  "Rescuing you, of course."

Join us next week for our next exciting episode:
{Escape from Northern Villain Jail}
Same time! Same blog. 

-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.