Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The Continuing Weekly Adventures Of Dr. Zachary Smith H.M.O.


This Weeks Episode:
Episode #37: A Bit of a Rest II, the Sequel.
-=fig. 163: No, It Can't Be…=-
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Last Week As You Recall, Dr. Zachary Smith had left George back in Legopolis as he went to investigate the ominous Hole In The Very Fabric Of Reality!  That was hovering just above downtown Legopolis… "No… It Can't Be…"  He says, staring out into the Æther.  What is it that he sees?
-=fig. 164: Another Hole?=-
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What's this?  Another Hole?  With a guard?  Dr. Smith Steers his house closer, but the hole stays as far away as it was before!  " Like a Rainbow." He says.  Yeah, like a Rainbow.   "You think I could Jump That, Jeeves?"  He asks, eying the distance,  "I SURELY HOPE SO, SIR.Dr. Smith stands up on the fence, bends his knees, and jumps.
-=fig. 165: Dr. Smith Jumps=- 
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Against all odds, and the laws of physics, Dr. Smith Makes it.  That is Because we Don't operate on the laws of physics here, we operate on the laws of Cinema*    But He only makes it far enough to grab the edge of the reality hole with one hand, {Rule #67} 
-=fig. 166: Rule #67=-
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And even though the Reality-Hole is only slightly more substantial than a cloud at it's very edge, Dr. Smith Holds Firm, Dr. Smith's hand starts Ever so slowly to pass through the reality-hole edge, so summoning up super-human strength, he lifts himself over the edge, and stands tall for a moment, then slumps to the ground in exhaustion.   He is awoken by the sound of footsteps approaching, he looks up and sees a rather blank-faced man in a suit and top-hat staring at him.  The Large pick-ax he was carrying distracted from his strange attire, somewhat. 
-=fig. 167: The Large Pick-Ax He Was Carrying Distracted From His Attire, Somewhat.=-
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Dr. Smith looks at him with a Weary expression, trying to figure out who this person is.  Then He Remembers the guard he saw through the Reality-Hole. "Whadda ya want?"  He says, trying to focus his eyes.  The Man blinks, and says nothing.  The Man embeds his Pick-Ax where Dr. smith was mere seconds ago.  The Man blinks.  He Recalculates.
We hear a noise, sort of a dull thud, like a suitcase hitting a mute man in a Top Hat upside the head.  
We see his hat topple to the ground.  
We see a Fedora, suitcase, and satchel hit the ground, one by one.  
We see a hand, could be anybody's hand, search about for said Top Hat, and grab it by the crown.
-=fig. 168: We See A Hand=-
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We cut to a different camera, a ways away, and awhile later.  The camera reveals several people in black, milling around outside a gigantic red…Laser Thing.
-=fig. 168: Gigantic Red…Laser Thing=-
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Wait, who's this? A new character is introduced into our Way Off-Broadway Play.
A new character with a loose fitting Top-Hat, a coat two sizes two large, and a shirt that doesn't match the rest of the ensemblé.
-=fig. 169: And A Suitcase=-
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He Also carries a suitcase and a Münkhöûsér500 [s] campaign Sabre, with a titanium forté and optional bronze hand-guard.  The Mute Men in Top-Hats stare at him, and he starts to worry that perhaps the disguise might not work.  "Hey! You!" Yells Count Villiam Von TipRău Fifth count of Ţara Bârsei, abandoning his current course of action, {berating some helpless Blank-Faced Man.} "Hey,  Are you new around here?" But in a Transylvanian accent.  The Newcomer Blinks.  "Vere did you get dose glasses?" Asks Count TipRău, glaring at The Newcomer sideways, with the inquisitive look of a late-night security guard who is beginning to highly suspects that you might not actually work in the high-security division of the vault.   Count TipRău looks closer and says: "Vait, you look familiar.  But not as familiar as all my other Brian-vashed drones,  Did ve go to high school togever?  No?  Den perhaps you 'defeated' me in combat ze other day?"  At this point two more of the Blank-Faced Men came up behind Dr. Smith and made to grab his arms, Restrain him if you will. {"Take Five" by Mr. Dave Brubeck also started playing, but that is only for premium viewers.}   Seconds later Count TipRău started clapping "Dat Vas Very goot, vith all da speening and such.  But I'm afraid all your very well choreographed dance steps come to moot, for even now dere are six more… Darn.  Dis iz ridiculous, I am done Playing Games! Guards! Seize Heem!"  After twelve-to-one failed miserably, the Blank-Faced Men started to hang back, a bit.  Dr. Smith got tired at 20-to-1odds, and allowed himself to be captured. Allowed, mind you.

-=fig. 170: Allowing himself to be captured=-
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"Vat is it you Vant Dr. Smith?  Have You Figured out my Dastardly Plot and now you Vant to tell me zat I von't get avay vith it?  Because I Vill! I Vill!"  Dr. Smith rolls his eyes and says, "No, no, no, I'm Sure that you Vill get Avay Vith It."  "Don't Mock ze accent, I Know you Speek Român**"  Imagine if you will that the brackets "{}" are subtitles, as the following few lines of dialogue go past your screen, "atunci de ce suntem noi se vorbeşte limba engleză?" {then why are we speaking English?}  "de ce? pentru că nu vreau la căldură de peste creierul tău slab legopolian!" {Vy? Because I don't Vant to overheat your veak Legopolian Brain!}
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"So What's with the chains, Von BadGuy?"

-=fig. 171: So, uh what's with the chains?=-
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"Von TipRău! TipRău!  Not Von BadGuy, Von TipRău!"

Dr. Smith, I'm just a humble narrator, but can I give you Piece of advice?
"Sure" he thinks.   Alright, here it is: Let's not antagonize the psycho who has you chained to the table with strange brain-sucking apparatuses aimed at your head, hey?  "Good Plan" he thinks, but out loud he says, "So uh, what's your plan Von Bad-er- Von TipRău?"  "Ven I Pull dis Svitch, 20,000 Voltz vill course through your body, Beating your Mind into submission, then it vill excract your best unt Vorst qualities unt morph dem vith my brain-vashed drone over dere!  Den da fun part begins…" Dr. Smiths mind, an already fickle creature, liable to just get up and leave at any moment, decides that now would be a good time to get back to the beaches of insanity, {The Sun, the Surf, the drinks with little crocodiles in them…} it grabs its metaphorical Hat, and an extra pair of socks {but only metaphorically, of course} and heads for the door, but before it gets there, the light bulbs flicker and explode!  Parts of the roof fall in and block the {metaphorical} doorway out of Dr. Smith's head. Dr. Smith's mind is worried, for even though it can't see anything, it knows there is an intruder.  The intruder sneaks up behind Dr. Smiths mind, and whacks it over the head with a handy piece of long division!  With Dr. Smith's mind thus subdued, the Intruder rifles through Dr. Smith's head, pulling all the interesting or important bits into its {Metaphorical} sack, with all the good stuff thus stripped from Dr. Smith's head, the thief hops out a window, and continues down the pipe, into the Blank-Faced Man's head, to pick up some more characteristics.
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WHUMMM, WHUUUMMM, WHUMMMM… DING!
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"UNT IT IS DONE!"  Dr. Smith, his mind a valley of pink fog, struggles to work some sensical words the long distance to his mouth. "forglebob. glorgle do?  Nople, vy chargle, No! WHAT GUESSSS DOPLE? DONE? WHAT IS DONE? "  "Dere is no reason to shout, Dr. Smith.  But I guess your Mind isn't vorking too vell now, is it! MWAH HA HA HA!
It's true, Dr. Smith's mind wasn't working at full capacity, but that's only because it's trying to reboot the system from a previously saved game, but none of the system folders are where they are supposed to be.  Luckily Dr. Smith's mind is a Macintosh-based system, so none of the viruses that the intruder left took root, and just bounced off the server casings.  But still, it takes some time to reboot 200 terabytes of data, so for now Dr. Smith lies like a potato upon Count Von TipRău's slab.
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But only afew feet away, Count Von TipRău is stil in hysterics, for his Evil Experiment has succeeded, but what is it?  I know he explained it, but I didn't get it.  There weren't enough details.
But pictures, those have details.

-=fig. 172: But not this one.=-
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I see, a bit of a bow-tie?  Maybe?  A suspender? Count Von TipRău, still laughing maniacally, goes over to the glass box and opens a door in the side.   "Come! My Creation! Ve vill rule ze vorld together! The…Whatever it is, comes out of the door, stumbling a bit.
-=fig. 173: The…Whatever it is=-
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No, I can't believe it.  It can't Be! IT'S–
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Find out next wek in our next exciting episode,

Episode #38: Act Three. Enter Villain.  Exit Hero.
-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.

 *{Namely law #42, "The hero always makes it. Otherwise what would we do with the spin-off television show? Not to mention the franchise rights…"} 

** Român is Romanian, where Transylvania is located, he found out in Episode #35, "No Dr. Smith, I Expect you to Die!"

 

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