Tuesday, June 30, 2009

-=J'ai beaucoup de mal frites=-


Some of you may remember how I lost my house in the french countryside, as I remember I only explained it as "something about …tax evasion… " I feel that it needs a bit more explanation than that. Imagine this scene: I am trying to find the kitchen, as it is breakfast, and I am hungry. I hear a knock on the door, I open it to a man in a suit, he will be referred to as "S.M." {suit man}

S.M.: "bonjour monsieur, je suis ici au nom du gouvernement français,"
Me: "ce que vous vendez, je ne veux plus aucun."

I feel i should tell you at this juncture that my french is, not as good as it would be if I actually, knew any french beyond {Of course} "ce que vous vendez, je ne veux plus aucun" {whatever it is you are selling, I don't want any."} a few other key phrases, {Learnt from a professional tutor} and a smattering of Italian, but spoken with a heavy American accent.

So he comes back the next day:

S.M.:"bonjour monsieur, je crois que je devrais vous avertir que si vous claquer la porte de mon visage, je vais devoir appeler des personnes faisant autorité."

{good morning sir, I feel I should warn you that if you slam the door in my face again, I will have to call some authoritative persons.}

I did not understand any of this, so I look at him and say: {With a heavy American accent, slowly, and pronouncing every syllable:}

Me : "Je ne parle pas de la même chaussures que votre frites maison."

{Me : I do not speak of the same shoes as your fried house}

Remember that the professional tutor who taught me some key french phases? Well, he had a twisted sense of humor.

I meant to say that I did not speak much french, but I think that much was obvious by now.

S.M. : "vous êtes l'un de ces stupides Américains, avez-vous pas?"
{ blah, blah blah blah, americans blah blah?}

Me : "oui."

S.M. : "de rire! cet homme a une grande maison anglaise, mais ne parle pas français!"

After he stopped laughing, he wandered away.

A different man came the next day, this one spoke English. He informed me that I had not paid the taxes that come with a €4.2 billion house. As I was not aware of these taxes, I did not happen to have €8.2 billion on me at the time. they gave me four weeks to get together the money.

That was about the time I literally, lost the house, then the pirates came, and so I was deported for tax evasion. That's just about the tall and the short of it.

I don't hold any particular grudge against the french, just the French Government.


-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.



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