Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Continuing Weekly Adventures Of Dr. Zachary Smith H.M.O.


This Weeks Episode:
Episode #36: A Bit of A Rest.
-=fig. 156: You're Almost Home George=-
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Last Week as you Recall, Dr. Smith and George had just escaped from a Psycho Transylvanian who was holding George hostage inside a sarcophagus of Light Fuzz, this left him extremely tired and in no state to hurry back to Dr. Smith's House, So Dr. Smith Helped him, and then handed him off to Jeeves, Saying "Jeeves? Give him whatever he wants, But Don't let him Go to Sleep." "SURE, BUT WHY NOT?" That's Jeeves, he talks in all caps like that, being a ROBOTIC BUTLER and all. "Because we don't yet know how the physiological effects of being hypnotized by lamp posts will effect his Central Nervous System." "I'D SAY IT MAKES HIM SLEEPY. SIR." "So does Congo trypanosomiasis and look how that turns out. Pour coffee into him for now." "…*Yawn*…Coffee?…A proper…Englishman like me?…Indeed…*Yawn*…" They all shuffle Single File across the impromptu bridge that Jeeves made between The Door and The House as they both hover in the air, 600 meters {1968.50394 feet}
above the ground… "Jeeves? We've been in there awhile, couldn't you have made a better bridge?"
"THESE THREE TWO-BY-FOURS ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE FOR THE COMBINED WEIGHT OF YOU, SIR, GEORGE, AND MYSELF." "But where'd you get 'em?" Dr. Smith was really worried at this point, for Jeeves could only have gotten them from, "REMEMBER… THAT TATTY OLD BENCH IN THE YARD? THE ONE WE WERE GOING TO THROW OUT?" "We were not! you liar! I Loved that bench! Put it back together this minute!" At this point, they had made it across the Bench-Slat Bridge and were standing in the yard. There was a slamming off behind them, and the Bench-Slat Bridge, suddenly freed of its main support, tumbled away into the air below. They all {With the exception of George, who shuffled} Ran to the fence to look over the edge at the rapidly receding boards. "Bye, Mornings spent in the yard with breakfast and the paper… Jeeves? What's that?"
-=fig. 157: Jeeves? What's That?=-
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"I WOULD SAY IT'S A MYSTERIOUS HOLE IN THE FABRIC OF SPACE, AND TIME. CAUSED BY OUR {BY OUR, I MEAN YOU AND GEORGE, OF COURSE} MEDDLING WITH POWERS BEYOND OUR KEN, IMAGINING FALSELY THAT SPACE AND TIME ARE SOMETHING TO BE BENT TO OUR MORTAL WILLS! {EXCEPT I OF COURSE AM IMMORTAL, BEING A ROBOT} BUT OF COURSE, THERE ARE SEVERAL OTHER THINGS IT COULD BE." "Such as?" Dr. Smith says, practically screaming at Jeeves.
"WELL, IT COULD BE SPACE MANAGEMENT. " {For those who don't know, Space Management actually manages space, bending it and twisting it to the needs of the current tyranical I mean, Much Beloved Ruler, Capt. Brown, Time Management is the next office over.}
"I'm gonna go with that, Jeeves, as I would rather not have the universe come apart at the seams. That is either Legopolis, or some alternate dimension in which we are all badly portrayed by Foreign actors. In any event I'm intrigued. Bring Down The House, Jeeves."
-=fig. 158: Bringing Down The House=-
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Jeeves Pilots the house expertly, as per his programming. They gently float through space, with barely any ozone smell during their re-entry. "That Was…*Yawn*…Some Lightning…that s'posed to happen…?" "I Couldn't say, George, I've never ridden my House, or any house, for that matter, through a hole in reality." They float gently over the town, like a…well, like a house. There's nothing else to compare it to, really. But if I were to compare it to something, it would be a Distracted Blimp, as it tries to point out all the new architecture to a tired local who hasn't been home in awhile. "Right Jeeves, there's the old plot, steer to the left a bit." "RIGHT, SIR." "…What's that…Suction noise?…*Yawn*…" 'that suction noise' was a clever little invention of Dr. Smith's, Magno-Suction Powered Detachable Utilities reattaching themselves to the main house. Which is weird, because Dr. Smith didn't know about his house flying until it…Happened. But it was one of those Middle-Of-The-Night Ideas, the ones that wake you up and make you reroute your plumbing at 5:00 A.M. on a Thursday. "Bring 'er in nice and easy Jeeves, Nice And Easy, Stop! To the left! No, your other left!" "THAT WOULD BE THE RIGHT, SIR." "Whatever! Okay, now, down, down, you're Good! Stop!"
-=fig. 159: When the captain has turned off the "fasten Seat Belt Sign"…"
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'WHEN THE CAPTAIN HAS TURNED OFF THE FASTEN SEAT BELT SIGN, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO MOVE ABOUT THE YARD, THANK YOU FOR FLYING #17 RON DEVEU DRIVE. PLEASE EXIT TO THE LEFT SO THAT THE NEXT GROUP MAY RUSH IN AND TAKE YOUR SPOTS." "What'choo talking about Jeeves?" "ZACHARY!"

Huh? Who's that?
-=fig. 160: ZACHARY!=-
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Oh! It's Capt. Brown, Dr. Smith's old friend and The Most Respected Leader {Not Tyrant} of Legopolis. He's the one dressed all in Brown. The other people are Capt. Browns Rooftop Police, a much more effective and specialized division of the Legopolis Royal Police Force. "Zachary! My old friend! I see you got your house back safely?" "Yes I did, Thanks for sending it to me in the first place, It has really been helpful." If you Remember, it was Capt. Brown who sent Dr. Smith his house in the first place, way back in Episode #24: "Nope Not Conspicuous at all" Way back on the 7th of July, 2009. "Why don't you come inside for some Tea? Or was it Coffee you liked better? In any event, Jeeves was just about to make some, weren't you Jeeves?" "RIGHT, SIR."
-=fig. 161: Dr. Smith and Capt. Brown Sitting at the table=-
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"So, James, why have you decided to grace my humble abode?" "You know, Zachary, I Don't let anyone but you call me James. Odd. But then again I Don't have many friends as good as you, Zachary. Why am I here? Why was it… Oh, that's right, I was just passing through, hot on the trail of a Rouge Tax Collector*, you know how it is. And you Just sort of Appeared out of the Sky!" At this Dr. Smith Looks Extremely Worried, "You mean you Didn't order Space Management to bring us here?" "No, Space Management went out of business months ago, Something about the universe coming apart at the Seams, but they were always a bit wacko. The Deus Ex Machina Co. up and left too." "What was…Their Reason?" "Well, apparently their main product, "The Door" Went rouge, it wouldn't go where they wanted it to, and it would appear and disappear randomly! Isn't that Crazy?" Dr. Smith looked pale. "Randomly? Jeeves, you said there were a couple of things it could be, what are the other ones, besides Space Management, and…*Gulp*… Reality coming apart at the seams?" "1. AND 2. YOU ALREADY KNOW, BUT THERE IS ALSO 3. OUTSIDE FORCES, {SUCH AS ANY NUMBER OF DEITY'S, THE NARRATOR, FOR INSTANCE} COULD BE DOING THIS FOR THEIR AMUSEMENT, OR THE AMUSEMENT OF OTHERS." Capt. Brown scoffs, "Nah, that's too far fetched, Who is this 'Narrator'? Our lives aren't like some sort of book, or newspaper article!" "Of course they aren't, James." Dr. Smith says hurriedly, but thinks as fast as he can Narrator? I know you can hear me! Are you doing this? Stop it right now! Sorry, Zachary, I'm not doing it. Don't want Capt. Brown to think you're crazy huh? Good Plan, Zachary. But How did you know I could hear your thoughts? I'm very Smart. Ah well, there you go. "Is there a Fourth reason for our mysterious hole?" "WELL, IT COULD BE A BENIGN HICCUP, OR POSSIBLY A COUGH. IN OTHER WORDS, A PURELY NATURAL OCCURRENCE." "How could we find out?" "WE COULD GO AND LOOK AT THE HOLE UP CLOSE." Just then George wandered back out side "…I Don't want…to go with *Yawn* You, Dr. Smith…" Dr. Smith looks over at him and says "Okay, but why? I thought that you were having…fun?" "…I'm not as young as I used to be…I Can't be…running around between dimensions like this…!…And I'm so…*Ya-Tired-wn*.…My family is here is Legopolis, if they…remember me. It's been…fun, but I'm all Done…" Dr. Smith Nods and smiles, allowing him to refrain from the adventure further, if he so desires. But Capt. Brown just looks flabbergasted. "What was all that beeping?" Oh, yes, I almost Forgot, George speaks Morse Code, it's his native Tongue. Somehow. I Translated it here so that you could read it, but Capt. Brown Doesn't understand. Dr. Smith explains and adds, "He has suffered Major hypnotic and sleep-inducing experiences, physical trauma, and severe burns. he needs to get to a hospital." Capt. Brown looks at George, noticing his burnt clothes, scorched hands, crusted-in dirty shoes, the twigs in his beard and the tatty pith helmet and asks, "What Got him?" Dr. Smith answers, counting off on his fingers "Well, a mountain, a Forest, a cliff, a desert, several Lamp Posts, The Door, Several other Lamp Posts, A psycho Transylvanian, three cups of tea and an inter-spatial Rift." He Makes sure he hasn't forgotten something, counting backwards on his fingers, and muttering to himself. Jeeves Chimes In, "AND A QUART OF DR. SMITHS FINEST COFFEE, THREE CUPS OF WHICH MISSED HIS HEAD ENTIRELY AND RAN DOWN HIS SHIRT. I TRIED TO POUR IT INTO HIM AS WELL AS I COULD, BUT HE WAS STRUGGLING." "Jeeves, when I Said, "Pour Coffee Into Him" I Didn't mean actually…Pour Coffee Into Him…I Meant, Give Him Lots of Coffee, and for goodness sakes not the good stuff…that stuff's expensive! Give him the "Instant" chicory coffee, that's only 5¢ a pound." Capt. Brown stands up and says "Well Zachary, thank you for the coffee, this has all been very informative and strangely entertaining, But I must be going." "Really?" Dr. Smith asks, standing up as well. "Yes, I Really Must be going, Thank you for your hospitality." "Well, you're welcome," Dr. Smith says, "Any time you're in The Great Beyond, look me up." Capt. Brown looks surprised, "But you just got here! you're leaving already?" Dr. smith Nods Sagely. "Yep, we need to find out what's going on with the universe. Reality in general really." "Oh, well. Bye." "Bye." after the standard awkward moment that comes every time a close friend is about to leave the building, Capt. Brown hops over the fence and waves as Dr. Smith pulls the house away into the sky, the Magno-Suction Powered Detachable Utilities resist and then detach, just as expected, and Dr. Smith pilots the House expertly for someone who hasn't ever had any formal lessons and is not qualified for this class of dirigible.
-=fig. 162: Flying up Through the Hole in Reality=-
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As Dr. Smith and Jeeves set off on another adventure, We briefly look back and see Capt. Brown and his crew, standing in the abandoned lot where Dr. Smith's house used to be.
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"HEY!" Capt. Brown yells at a small, scared-looking man hiding in Dr. Smith's {Now Exposed} basement. He Pokes his head up from the rows of failed experiments and mysterious concoctions that every basement seems to accumulate, and says, "oh, rats. They found me. Well, at lest this tax collecting business is good exercise."
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We see Dr. Smith's house, now almost fully through the hole in the sky.

-=fig. 163: No, It Can't Be…=-
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"No, It Can't be…" Dr. Smith says, but why is he saying it? and about…What? Or…Who? Or…Whatever? Find out Next week in our next exciting episode,

Episode #37: A Bit of a Rest II, the Sequel.
-=Best Regards=-

Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.

*Being a Tax Collector {Rouge or otherwise} is punishable by 15 years in state prison, £56,000 fine, and then Deportation. And in a city built on a plateau, Deportation is taken Very Seriously.

Rating System.

I had this great idea this morning, what if I could post reviews of some of my favorite stuff in my blog?  and then I thought, Well, I'd need some sort of rating system, right? So I made these:








Neat Huh?
Now I just have to think about what I want to review.

-=Best Regards=-


Sir Jacob D. Fredrickson Esq.

Chief Executive Officer of Early Bird Industries, Inc.





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